LONDON, UK – Following much speculation about the bedroom activities of royal family members Prince Harry and Meghan Markle, the couple’s Kensington Palace office recently confirmed that th…
Desperate zoo hopes use of Jurassic Park font will spice things up
KINDERSLEY, SK – After years of failing to connect with the zoo-going public, the struggling Kindersley Zoo has made a last ditch attempt to combat lagging attendance and poor online review…
Father-in-law’s sphincter audibly tightens as son-in-law displays emotion
PINCHER CREEK, AB – Creating a clearly audible noise similar to the straining of an already-tight rubber band, local father-in-law Ken Gardner squeezed his anal sphincter shut at the sight …
Public beheading of Ticketmaster execs already sold out
LAS VEGAS – After a damning investigative report by CBC News/Toronto Star revealed collusion between Ticketmaster and scalpers, the company’s shareholders took the rare step of ordering the…
Louis CK locks door of Comedy Cellar, tells audience, “This will only take 7-10 minutes”
NEW YORK CITY – Audience members at New York’s famed Comedy Cellar reported that last night disgraced comedian Louis CK locked them in the room to watch him, insisting, “I promise it …
Hip server sits down while taking order
MONTREAL – Displaying an impressive level of disdain for the traditional role divisions between “customer” and “server,” brunch waiter Luc Petitclerc sat down in the one empty chair left by…
Trump insists tape of him using n-word doesn’t exist, was just a joke, and also is the best tape of anybody using any slur
WASHINGTON, D.C. – Following the release of an audio recording of candidate Donald Trump’s aides discussing how to spin an alleged tape of the former reality TV host using the n-word, the …
Man with summer cold convinced this is the most any person has suffered
SHERBROOKE, QC – Twenty-seven-year-old Jason Brossard concluded earlier today, without any sense of irony or exaggeration, that the fact that he contracted the common cold out of season is …
Caribana to be replaced by ‘Scotiabank Celebration Of Noise Complaints’
TORONTO – Following the last-minute cancellation of the popular Caribana event Carnival Kingdom, city officials have decided that next year, instead of the Toronto Caribbean Carnival Parade…
4th layer of sunscreen slathered onto child wearing hat, sunglasses and welder’s mask
ST ANDREWS, NB – Three-year-old Gillian O’Shea was successfully coated in a fourth layer of sunscreen today before her family’s trip to the beach, “just to be safe,” according to her fathe…
