TORONTO – Lotto 649’s newest commercial showcases the dream of purchasing a fifth-floor condo somewhere in downtown Toronto. The 30-second clip features one lucky couple celebrating in an e…
Man outraged by closure of local business he never visited
CALGARY – A local man was angered and saddened to hear that another local business he never once set foot in was closing its doors forever. A disappointed Aaron Morales says that Martha’s G…
Quebec prison features first all-politician basketball team
MONTREAL – A Quebec prison now showcases a basketball team exclusively made up of former municipal and provincial politicians within the penitentiary’s sports league. While the squad …
Winnipeg’s ERs now requiring patients to bring their own beds
WINNIPEG – Those seeking treatment at Winnipeg’s ERs will now be required to bring their own hospital beds as a part of a new strategy to reduce wait times. Officials from the Winnipeg Regi…
Entire New York Times Editorial Board cross Canadian border, claim refugee status
HEMMINGFORD, QC – RCMP patrolling the Quebec-New York border have intercepted all 16 members of the New York Times Editorial Board who immediately claimed refugee status. The weary journali…
Lonely Thomas Mulcair adopts 44 stray cats
OTTAWA – NDP Leader Thomas Mulcair has adopted yet another stray cat, bringing the total number of felines in his one-bedroom apartment in Ottawa to 44. Mulcair made the announcement on soc…
Canucks fire team doctor Jenny McCarthy after 5 players contract mumps
VANCOUVER – Vancouver Canucks have terminated their agreement with their team doctor, Jenny McCarthy, after 5 players contracted the mumps. The actress, model, and alternative medicine advi…
Yukon’s Sourdough-Rendezvous Festival to end with a traditional territory-wide power outage
WHITEHORSE – Yukon Energy has announced it will be celebrating the end of the Sourdough-Rendezvous Festival with a customary power outage event. On Sunday, the Sourdough-Rendezvous Queen is…
School boy bullied for not wearing pink shirt today
Abbotsford, BC – Local eighth grader Liam Stroud was tormented repeatedly today at school after he was the only student who forgot to wear pink to participate in the school’s anti-bullying …
Truck nuts so manly it has its own set of truck nuts
Spruce Grove, AB – Early reports indicate that a local man’s set of truck nuts is so masculine, it has its own set of truck nuts. The plastic hitch accessory shaped as a pair testicles was …
