Canucks fire team doctor Jenny McCarthy after 5 players contract mumps

VANCOUVER – have terminated their agreement with their team doctor, , after 5 players contracted the mumps.

The actress, model, and alternative medicine adviser for the NHL team was informed of her dismissal earlier today. McCarthy had advised the team to avoid vaccination and only consult outside medical advice if you agreed with it.

“We became concerned after Dr. McCarthy insisted putting Gwyneth Paltrow’s muscle toning cream on Alexander Edler fractured fibula as treatment,” explained Canucks Coach Willie Desjardins. “And the only prescription she gave out was for her book, ‘Louder than Words.’”

McCarthy, who apparently has no medical degree, said that she was disappointed that the team was letting her go, but said she had done her job since none of the players contracted autism.

According to sources, the Canucks organization intends on replacing the pseudo-physician with one of the many qualified homeopaths available in the Vancouver area.

BREAKING: We wrote a fucking book