PENTICTON, BC – Early reports indicate that a bulky 5 lbs container of protein whey is clearly compensating. While appearing to be powerful and tough, those close to the Optimum Nutrition 1…
“You just don’t remember Bob Rae,” lectures Ontario man who doesn’t remember Mike Harris
GEORGETOWN, ON – A local Ontario man giving a history lesson to younger voters about the dangers of electing an NDP provincial government has failed to recall what happened when a PC provin…
BC Premier’s bathroom mirror smeared with “Revenge” written in bitumen
YELLOWKNIFE – After attempting to get some sleep before a Western Premiers’ Meeting, BC Premier John Horgan awoke to discover that someone had smeared the words “Revenge” in thick Alberta b…
Air demonstration team bedazzles spectators with early 1960s technology
ANDERSON, SC – A thrilling spectacle unfolded over the skies of South Carolina on Sunday as the RCAF’s Snowbirds showcased their aircraft’s cutting-edge technology from the early 1960s. The…
Netanyahu: Gaza border protesters were attempting to acquire pebbles of mass destruction
JERUSALEM – Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu has announced that he has definitive proof that Gaza protesters were attempting to acquire pebbles of mass destruction, which justified…
Vegas Knights begin playoff tradition of throwing drunk bachelor party onto ice
LAS VEGAS – In an effort to start a playoff ritual on home ice for the team’s inaugural season, Las Vegas Golden Knights fans have tossed a heavily intoxicated bachelor party onto the ice d…
Do you hear “Yanny,” “Laurel,” or “Kill them…kill them all?”
An argument over a computer generated voice has broke the internet with millions of people taking sides. Yesterday, a vlogger posted a rather innocuous question what the voice was saying (clearly…
Ontario leaders blame their platform miscalculations on poor provincial math curriculum
TORONTO – Ontario leaders have placed the blame on the province’s math curriculum claiming it was inadequate to prepare them for proposing political platforms that involve numbers and…
Winnipeg strikers demand casual Fridays
An excerpt from The Beaverton Presents Glorious and/or Free: The True History of Canada. Available where books are sold. May 15th, 1919 WINNIPEG – Thousands of striking workers have paralyz…
Mike Holmes blasts 4-year-old for poorly constructed pillow fort
PETERBOROUGH, ON – Celebrity builder and television host Mike Holmes has condemned a child’s pillow fort being the worst place he has ever inspected. The eight square foot, half storey dwel…
