PETERBOROUGH, ON – Celebrity builder and television host Mike Holmes has condemned a child’s pillow fort being the worst place he has ever inspected.
The eight square foot, half storey dwelling which was first constructed by kindergartener Devon Wilkes about an hour ago lacked the most basic requirements under the Building Code, said Holmes.
Holmes shook his head at at the “mess” of 17 pillows and sheets constructed that lacked any structural support other than a nearby couch.
“This could collapse at any time,” said a crouching Holmes peering into the darkened den pointing his flashlight at the shoddy craftsmanship and slanted walls. “The imaginary siding is not water tight. He didn’t even caulk it…unbelievable.”
Upon reviewing the structure’s design and blueprints, Holmes could only find a barely legible illustrations of a home and his family on the fridge.
“This is awful; this is not to scale and not one line is straight,” said Holmes looking at a family portrait drawn by Wilkes in which his mother appears to be 10 feet tall with three fingers.
Holmes expressed his dismay towards thoughtless cushion contractors like Wilkes who is more concerned about his juicebox instead of safety and long-term planning.
“The only thing in there was an pretend kitchen and a pretend bedroom, but no imaginary sump pump, and there’s no sub-slab depressurization system. This should have been done right in the first place.”
After consultation, Holmes and his team of contractors destroyed the fort with a combination of sledge hammers and saws to make way for a sturdy three bedroom Lego home.
Meanwhile, the Ontario of College of Physicians and Surgeons was investigating 6-year-old Teesha Grant for posing as a doctor during playtime without a medical license.