An excerpt from The Beaverton Presents Glorious and/or Free: The True History of Canada. Available where books are sold. June 25th, 1993 OTTAWA – Canada’s first female prime minister, Kim C…
Older couple reads obituaries to see which Canadian community newspapers have passed away
NORWICH, ON – As part of their mid-morning ritual, retirees Gladys and Albert Heatherington turn to their newspaper obituary section to see if any small town newspapers have passed on. “Oh,…
Safety: Toronto pedestrians advised to carry around 4,000 lbs concrete barrier when crossing a street
TORONTO – With the recent spike in deadly accidents between pedestrians and vehicles this year, the City of Toronto has suggested pedestrians carry their own concrete barriers whenever the …
Stoned Canadians pretty sure government legalized pot last year
GUELPH, ON – Upon being advised that the Senate had finally voted to legalize marijuana a large and lethargic group of Canadians reported confusion, as they were fairly confident that happe…
Exclusive: A Canadian shoe smuggling mule who’s able to fit 9 pairs in his rectum when he crosses US border
FORT ERIE, ON – A Canadian shoe smuggler has gone to great lengths to remain undetected by border security revealing a dangerous game between cat and mouse. When US President Donald Trump w…
Ford offers Ontario companies holding cap-and-trade credits free tires to burn
TORONTO – Ontario Premier-designate Doug Ford will offer companies that have purchased carbon credits used tires so that they may be burned for heat. Claiming that the move will avoid any p…
Degrassi High’s Jimmy Brooks miraculously walking again at high school reunion
TORONTO – Degrassi High’s Class of 2007 graduate Jimmy Brooks shocked former classmates by being able to walk despite a traumatic injury that left him paralyzed from the waist down. Brooks,…
Victory: Canadians celebrate Team Canada’s default participation in 2026 World Cup
MOSCOW – Canada has broken its decades old drought of participating in the World Cup after pulling off a shocking victory by co-hosting the global competition in 2026 and therefore a spot i…
Canada gains numerous concessions from Trump after becoming a ruthless dictatorship pursuing WMDs
OTTAWA – US tariffs on Canadian aluminum and steel have been promptly lifted after Prime Minister Justin Trudeau has impressed US President Donald Trump with numerous human rights violation…
Patriotism: This Canadian chugs a carton of milk to show support for the dairy board even though he’s lactose intolerant
Donald Trump’s attack on Canada’s Dairy Board has inspired one proud Canuck to show his country will not be intimidated by drinking 2 L of pure Canadian milk despite the fact he’s lactose intoler…
