GENEVA — The Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change put out a statement today advising potential parents to only create and rear as many children as they believe they’ll feasibly be able to co…
Tag: climate crisis
Alberta halts approval for all clean energy projects until they can be made dirtier
EDMONTON – Alberta Premier Danielle Smith has announced a moratorium on all pending renewable energy projects in Alberta until these projects can prove they will be just as detrimental to t…
Alarming new IPCC report released and you’ve already stopped reading this headline
GENEVA – This week (or maybe it was last week, or the week before, it doesn’t really matter) the UN’s Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released their latest report detailing the ho…
Scientists declare 2 degree warming target was possible until you left bathroom lights on last night
GENEVA – A consortium of environmental scientists released a declaration that humanity’s accelerating march toward climate catastrophe had previously been avoidable before you left the ligh…
Closer to Earth than it’s been in decades, Jupiter can’t believe how much Earth has let itself go
THE SOLAR SYSTEM – As Jupiter recently made its closest approach to the planet Earth since 1963, it was shocked and saddened to see how much the only habitable planet in the known universe …
Climate crisis: Popsicle consumption no longer looks erotic
OTTAWA – As temperatures rise across Canada, reports are rolling in that the searing heat has eliminated the titillation watching someone eat a popsicle used to provide. “My partner used to slowl…
80s nostalgia peaks with return of hole in ozone layer
WATERLOO – The 80s revival inspired by the hit Netflix show Stranger Things has reached new heights as scientists announced they have discovered a hole in the ozone layer. “If you thought t…
Mona Lisa responds to climate protest with weird little smile, like this is some fucking game
PARIS – Visitors to the Louvre today reacted with shock as a one-man climate protest took the form of a cake being thrown at star attraction Mona Lisa, whose own reaction to the ballistic b…
Furious Liberals deny accusation that they’re trying to protect the environment
OTTAWA – Environment Minister Steven Guilbeault is adamant that the Conservatives are lying about the Liberals imposing a new green tax on pickup trucks and wants to assure the public that …
Climate Change considering makeover to stand out amongst shiny new calamities
NEW YORK – A dire new report released by the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC) on the horrific effects of the climate crisis has been swiftly overshadowed by news about the R…