TORONTO – As retail stores opened in Ontario this weekend, thousands of losers, nobodies and morons chose to stand in line to buy items from retail stores instead of just ordering everything from Amazon, the conglomerate run by Jeff Bezos, whose lust for destroying small businesses is matched only by his desire to replace his workforce with robots.
“Drove by Winners and there were hundreds of people in line. What the fuck is wrong with you people?” tweeted one man, in reference to a line where people stood with masks, socially distanced, in order to purchase needed items from a Canadian department store that employs thousands of people nationwide.
“Why buy household items there when you can just order them on Amazon, and get the satisfaction of knowing you’re helping give Bezos enough money to flee our planet and set up a billionaires only colony on Mars?”
Others couldn’t believe the people were even lined up at budget stores like Dollarama, which offer the kind of cheap products that people need but aren’t enough to warrant free shipping on Amazon.
“What, you don’t have prime?” they wondered.
“If I was them I would just have a job where I can work from home and spend much of my day idly filling my Amazon cart. Then forgetting all about it and being delighted when all the stuff turns up. That’s how you should shop for your kids summer clothes,” posted one woman on facebook.
In related news, people with large backyards and cottages were outraged that Torontonians couped up in 400 square foot basement apartments were flocking to patios.