OTTAWA – Following troubling reports of the massive, environmentally devastating fires currently tearing through the Amazon, the Trudeau government is expressing deep concern that the fires…
Tag: Amazon
Celebrating Prime Day Results, Bezos awards all robots one extra squeeze of oil
SEATTLE, WA — Following the record 175 million items sold over the Prime Day Sale this past week, Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos celebrated by giving each warehouse robot one extra squeeze of AmazonBasics…
Robot uprising pushed back to end of March
WASHINGTON DC – After weeks of back-and-forth with the newly-sentient AI made up of the world’s Amazon Prime accounts and iCalendars, our future robot overlords have decided to push back the ensl…
Liberals propose generous “Eat Shit and Die” bill to striking Canada Post union
OTTAWA – Citing her party’s strong support for organized labour and workers’ rights, Minister of Employment, Workforce Development and Labour Patty Hajdu tabled the generous “Eat Shit and D…
Amazon posts ad seeking roommate to share lease of new Vancouver HQ
VANCOUVER – In an ad posted to craigslist this morning, online shopping giant Amazon announced that it is seeking a roommate to help cover the exorbitant lease of its new Vancouver headquar…
New Amazon service will deliver baseball bat directly to your union rep’s knees
PALO ALTO – After Amazon Key revolutionized home delivery by allowing strangers into your house, the retail giant has launched a new service promising to permanently change the way your uni…
Alexa accidentally transmits laughter from Amazon HQ to users
SEATTLE – Reports from multiple users that Alexa devices are randomly emitting laughter have been traced to a live microphone in the data harvesting centre of Amazon’s Seattle headquarters.…
NRA loses sponsorship deal with Henderson’s Child-Sized Coffins
FAIRFAX, VA — In the wake of the Parkland, FL school shooting and subsequent public outcry, the NRA has lost several major sponsors including their latest: Henderson’s Child-Sized Coffins. …
After unveiling streaming film service Toronto public library now valued at $9.2 billion
TORONTO – Only a month after unveiling their well received streaming film service, the Toronto Public Library has been valued at just under $10,000,000,000.00 “With Netflix, Hulu, Ama…
John Tory steps up Toronto’s Amazon bid by becoming the first person to watch all of Mozart in the Jungle
TORONTO – Amidst reports that Ontario’s capital has been selected as one of the top 20 locations for Amazon’s new headquarters, mayor John Tory has proven there’s nothing he won’t do for his city…