OTTAWA – Across Canada, thousands of wolves-in-grandma’s clothes expressed delight at how much their “grandchildren” have grown since the last time they’ve seen them. “Uh why are my ears so…
Tag: Amazon
“Shop local” posts man who bought book from Indigo instead of Amazon
REGINA – Local man Aidan Waite is encouraging all his friends and family to stay away from Amazon when doing their holiday shopping, and instead support local mom and pop shops like Indigo …
“Just figure it out!” screams Jeff Bezos at underlings after hearing of man who provides overnight shipping worldwide on Christmas Eve
SEATTLE – On the heels of their most successful year yet, Amazon HQ was thrown into chaos this afternoon after CEO Jeff Bezos caught wind of a competitor potentially edging in on holiday profits.…
Gamers living in late-capitalist dystopia outraged they have to wait another 3 weeks to play Cyberpunk 2077
NEW YORK – Gamers the world over currently living in a late-capitalist system run by a few megacorporations who control vast swathes of personal data while using technology to increase the …
Employee’s Zoom backgrounds more creative than his last 40 ideas
TORONTO – Local office worker Harvey Bibby surprised co-workers in virtual meetings this week with a series of marvelous Zoom meeting backgrounds, each more creative than the last, while contribu…
Jeff Bezos on track to become first man to steal a trillion dollars from his employees
MEDINA, WA – A new report suggests that Amazon founder Jeff Bezos could become the first man on earth to successfully steal a trillion dollars from his employees. “Tim Cook, Elon Musk, the …
Opinion: Why I’m boycotting Amazon unless I get bored or want something
In recent months, Amazon’s numerous infractions have become almost too big to ignore. As labour violations mount, I no longer feel comfortable giving them my business which is why I’ve bravely de…
Canadian government deeply concerned fires destroying Amazon rainforest might singe Canadian mines
OTTAWA – Following troubling reports of the massive, environmentally devastating fires currently tearing through the Amazon, the Trudeau government is expressing deep concern that the fires…
Celebrating Prime Day Results, Bezos awards all robots one extra squeeze of oil
SEATTLE, WA — Following the record 175 million items sold over the Prime Day Sale this past week, Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos celebrated by giving each warehouse robot one extra squeeze of AmazonBasics…
Robot uprising pushed back to end of March
WASHINGTON DC – After weeks of back-and-forth with the newly-sentient AI made up of the world’s Amazon Prime accounts and iCalendars, our future robot overlords have decided to push back the ensl…