TORONTO – The Ontario government has ordered a handful of high-altitude jet planes to try and stanch the rash of thieves making off with the helicopters that were purchased to staunch the r…
Tag: Ontario
Doug Ford closes Safe Injection Site to make way for new All-You-Can-Drink Booze Guzzler’s Emporium
QUEEN’S PARK – Ontario Premier Doug Ford has announced the imminent shutdown of a local safe injection site in favour of a new retail outlet devoted solely to alcohol consumption. “I have h…
Your household budget if it was made by Metrolinx
Metrolinx, the entity whose approach to completing the Eglinton LRT is most accurately comparable to George R.R. Martin’s approach to finishing the A Song Of Ice And Fire books, has raised …
Panicked Ford works to resolve LCBO strike before conservative voters sober up
QUEEN’S PARK – In the wake of an LCBO strike, Premier Doug Ford has reportedly been working around the clock to secure Ontarian’s access to hard liquor, as keeping conservative …
Ontario Science Centre closes after roof in danger of collapsing under weight of Doug Ford’s bullshit
TORONTO – After standing for 54 years as a testament to midcentury architecture and a source of memories for generations of young people, the Ontario Science Centre was announced to be clos…
Everything freedom loving Conservatives have banned Canadians from doing in recent years
Pierre Poilievre and the Conservatives plan to make Canada the freest country in the world if (ok once) they get into power. In unrelated news here is a list of everything Conservatives currently…
Ford announces LCBO paper bags to double as his affordable housing plan
QUEEN’S PARK – In a bid to provide economic relief to struggling Ontarians, Premier Doug Ford has ordered the LCBO to return to providing customers free paper bags – a move that…
Ford doubles down on refusal to build fourplexes until someone explains to him what they are
VAUGHAN – After Prime Minister Justin Trudeau announced on Tuesday that he would give an additional six billion dollars to the provinces for housing as long as they allow fourplexes to be b…
Following Appeal Court ruling, Ford vows to get revenge on teachers and nurses in a different, constitutional way
QUEEN’S PARK – After the Ontario Appeal Court ruled today that Bill 124, Doug Ford’s law imposing wage caps on public sector workers, was unconstitutional, Ford vowed that he would get reve…
Doug Ford moves Ontario’s Legislative Assembly to the back of a Costco
TORONTO – Carrying on with his party’s plan to make every government office operate out of an American chain store, Ontario Premier Doug Ford has announced that provincial parliament …