TORONTO — Sam Baquiran, cashier at a Shoppers Drug Mart on Pape and Danforth, recently had a customer ask how she was doing. “Can’t complain,” she responded, given that she’ll lose her job if she…
Tag: shopping
In historic first, Dollarama opens second cash
MONTREAL – A local Dollarama defied every expectation and opened a second cash register at the St. Laurent location in the plateau at approximately 3:44 PM on Friday. The register was open…
Gift certificate squandered
CALGARY – Frank Benton has wasted the $150 Best Buy gift card his parents gave him for Christmas, despite spending weeks carefully thinking about how to use it. Local sources report that Benton h…
Zellers stores to return now that this online shopping fad has blown over
OTTAWA – Zellers has announced that this year they will open 25 retail pop-up stores across Canada, now that consumers have “finally gotten tired of online shopping”. “We here at Zellers kn…
Editorial: Where are all the White Fridays?
By: Jordan Peterson Imagine if you will, a sale of sorts, in which the hierarchical notion of sovereignty and power is given directly back to the consumer. This individual person of power, which …
Black Friday deal just last year’s price
MISSISSAUGA – Retailers are embracing this year’s Black Friday by offering consumers the deal of a lifetime, the chance to buy products at last year’s regular prices. Naomi Hoffman eagerly …
25% off sale on pants actually just regular price capris
TORONTO – Controversy arose this week at a downtown location of the popular retailer Urban Outfitters, as a “25% Off Pants” sale was revealed to be a rack of regularly priced capri pants. Shopper…
Local woman successfully avoids thinking too much about the donated urns at Value Village
WINNIPEG, MB — After an encounter with a used urn for sale at Value Village, local woman Trisha McKay has successfully avoided thinking too deeply about it. “I didn’t spare it a second thought,” …
Woman shops for new wardrobe, like it matters
MONTREAL – A local woman has begun shopping for brand new clothes, even though nothing fucking matters anymore. “I’m sick of everything I own”, says Layla Veenstra, who just finished a doc…
