Entire population taking the same goddamned hike at the same goddamn time - The Beaverton

Entire population taking the same goddamned hike at the same goddamn time

GATINEAU, QC – Reports indicate that every goddamned person out there and their dog is taking the same hike you’re taking.

Billions gathered at the trailhead as an alternative to indoor activities and to avoid others.

“A hike is a great idea,” said everyone who will be walking shoulder-to-shoulder en masse.

Your pastoral escape from the harsh realities of plagues and politics was ruined by an unending human stampede trampling over terrified wildlife.

The Hobbesian Leviathan refused to leave the best viewing spots and constantly walked into every photo you were trying to take.

Your hike also featured the familiar sounds of car alarms and screaming children to ensure no species of birds ever returns to your cherished trail.

As a more peaceful alternative for next week, you plan on walking the aisles at a local Costco for a few hours.