TORONTO – I know that people are looking for someone to blame for the violence on the TTC but I can assure everyone that this is in no way linked to the housing crisis, healthcare funding …
Tag: politics
Highlights of the Liberal’s 2023 Budget
Holy motherfucking shit it’s Budget season! The time when the government announces how it will spend all our money and we all pretend to understand the difference between the debt and the d…
Foreign spies only people still interested in Canadian politics
OTTAWA – After a damning CSIS report revealing efforts by Chinese spies to influence Canada’s 2019 election, a follow-up report by Elections Canada concluded that foreign spies appear to be…
Pierre Poilievre wishes traitorous dictator who hates the country he is PM of would stop being so divisive
OTTAWA – Leader of the opposition Pierre Poilievre is calling on “left-wing scrum” Justin Trudeau to stop dividing Canadians on political lines. “Canadians don’t nee…
John Tory admits to fucking Toronto
TORONTO – In breaking news, Mayor John Tory has announced his resignation after admitting to fucking Toronto. “It was a serious error of judgment on my part,” the longtime polit…
Doug Ford announces 50% of all Ontario surgeries will now be done by his buddy Steve
TORONTO – In an effort to reduce wait times for surgeries in the province of Ontario, Premier Doug Ford has announced that as many as half of all surgeries will now be handled by his good b…
Kamala Harris criticized for spending too much time on side quests
Anywhere but Washington, D.C. – American Vice President Kamala Harris has received criticism for spending too much time on side quests rather than dealing with finishing the main story. “It…
“Politics don’t affect me”, says guy complaining about inflation, the price of gas, the housing market, cost of living, ER wait times, and crippling student debt
AJAX, ON – Local gas station cashier Geoff Wayne is proud to report that politics don’t affect him despite political policy being the source of every single one of his problems. “Listen, I …
Marjorie Taylor Greene cuts ties with Dre after being told he’s a doctor
Washington, D.C. – US House member Marjorie Taylor Greene has cut professional ties with hip hop artist Dr. Dre after discovering through various sources that he is a doctor. “I don’t work …
Canadians about to elect Pierre Poilievre PM have fun laugh over Liz Truss debacle
OTTAWA – Canadians from coast to coast have spent the last 24 hours enjoying the rapid and chaotic end of Liz Truss’ era as Prime Minister, as they also indicate to pollsters that the…