ST CATHARINES – A Niagara Regional Councillor has set up his own investigation into the impostor who used his email to distribute a pornographic image to 95 of his colleagues, and by strange coincidence, resembles and behaves exactly like he does.
“I would like everyone to be on the lookout for this man,” said St. Catharines councillor Andy Petrowski. “This individual used my government issued-iPad, downloaded pornography, and then put it in an email along with an opinion I so happen to agree with.”
“Whenever I leave an electronic device unattended just for a moment, he’s always right there to impersonate me. And then he goes off insinuating that refugees will shoot up the Eaton Centre or saying other stuff I have to apologize for later.”
Petrowski claims that he is a target of an elaborate liberal conspiracy who appear to be using his email and Twitter account all of the time by a balding white man with the last name of ‘Petrowski’.
The Niagara Regional Council IT department has been thwarted in their attempts to safeguard Petrowski online profiles. The imposter shares all the same personal information and knows the passwords milliseconds after they are updated.
“I couldn’t call in the police to conduct this investigation because that con-artist had already used my phone to call the police chief a clown last year.”
The elected official for the region who tweeted that US President Barack Obama had a “perverted mind” for supporting same sex marriage speculated that there may be a genetic copy of him who shares the exact same address, wears the same suits, and shares the same conspiracy theories on social media.
“I wouldn’t be surprised if it was the Rothschilds again. I know those liberal billionaires have always wanted to take down a pro-Trump member of medium-sized Ontario regional government.”
At press time, Petrowski provided an update on his investigation in a reply all email with another pornographic image to all Niagara District School Board teachers and their parents, which he later blamed on a clone.
