VANCOUVER – Yesterday evening, twelve year old Dylan Kitchener got more than he bargained for while rummaging through his parent’s closet. The impressionable youth stumbled upon a car…
Tag: Police
“Possible hate crime” definitely actual hate crime
KINGSTON, ON — Police are investigating an incident outside a Walmart in Kingston that they have described as a “possible hate crime” despite it definitely being a real, actual hate crime. “It wa…
Police smash car window to rescue overheated dad still waiting for family to emerge from local mall
BURNABY, BC – Local authorities are once again reminding shoppers of the danger of leaving anyone in a hot car after police were forced to smash a window to rescue local father Dan Coolidge…
Toronto police bravely liberate park-goers from bottle of rosé
TORONTO – The Toronto Police Services are celebrating the bravery shown by officer Brian Murnane today as he successfully confiscated a bottle of wine in Trinity Bellwoods Park, restoring p…
Quiz: What abuse of power got you suspended with pay?
We’ve all been there, sitting at home, collecting a full wage while doing nothing, waiting for reports about your unethical behaviour to blow over before you can return to work. But exactly…
Doug Ford to walk in Pride Parade only if Toronto Police allowed to beat path of gays in his way
TORONTO – Performing a symbolic act of support for the LGBT+ community, Ontario Premier designate, Doug Ford, says he will walk in Toronto’s Pride Parade on June 24th but only if the Toront…
Toronto Police replace 30 police cars with one environmentally friendly police streetcar
TORONTO – As part of an initiative to reduce TPS’ carbon footprint, 30 police cruisers have been replaced with one state of the art police streetcar. “We expect some growing pains for sure,…
Detroit man who shot at unarmed black teen charged with impersonating a police officer
Rochester Hills, MI – Rochester resident Jeffery Zeigler was arrested on Friday after firing at a teen who knocked on his door to ask for directions to school. Local police were quick to condemn …
Investigators baffled by mysterious body found inside wooden box buried under stone marker
GRIMSBY, ON – After weeks of extensive investigation the RCMP announced today that they have absolutely no clue how, or why a body was buried six feet under ground, beneath a large stone cross, i…
Toronto Police demand to know why LGBTQ community not investigating, solving more homicides
TORONTO — Following the arrest of alleged serial killer Bruce MacArthur, Police Service Chief Mark Saunders have declared Toronto’s entire LGBTQ community “on thin ice” for failing to arres…
