VANCOUVER – Researchers at the University of British Columbia Faculty of Science report that the only thing that loves you without question feels the same way about tonguing its tuchus. The…
Tag: report
Weather reports now just daily list of records broken in latest heatwave
OAKVILLE, ONTARIO ― Canadian meteorology channel The Weather Network announced today that it will soon be transitioning to a record-based method of reporting daily temperatures. Come September, t…
Report: Millennials average net worth only 8000 likes
CALGARY, AB – Surveying the livelihood and stability of adults born between 1982 and 2004, a report released today has concluded that the net worth of the average millennial is only 8000 li…
Report: Door not as heavy as expected
CHARLOTTETOWN, PEI – Despite being large and made of heavy-looking glass, a report released Monday has concluded that the door to Belle’s Yoga Studio on Belvedere Ave. is way lighter than y…
REPORT: Everyone remembers that awkward thing you did last year and they talk about it constantly
FORT MCMURRAY, AB – Confirming longtime suspicions, evidenced reports are coming in which confirm that, yes, everyone remembers that awkward thing you did last year and they talk about it c…
REPORT: Kidnappers giving proof of life only thing keeping newspapers alive
OTTAWA – A new report by print media analysts revealed Thursday that up to 70% of all physical newspaper subscriptions have been traced back to organized crime, as cartels and fringe groups…
REPORT: 93% of couples consider partner watching TV series ahead of them to be worse than cheating
OTTAWA – According to an extensive survey conducted over the past year, the average person considers the act of watching new episodes of a television series without their partner, colloquia…
REPORT: Cards Against Humanity officially surpasses acoustic guitars as the most annoying thing you can bring to a party
VICTORIA, BC – After data collection from thousands of parties across the country, reports are coming in that the annoying person who brings an acoustic guitar to a party is now officially …
Report: Idiot wasp trapped inside even though window completely open
DIEPPE, NB – Furiously attempting to escape the living room of a local family’s residence, stupid wasp was reported colliding into the glass multiple times, just inches away from a complete…
Report: Average CEO also 270 times happier than average worker
OTTAWA – Measuring the effects of money on wellbeing, a report released Friday comparing employee life-quality to that of the world’s top executives says that the average CEO is now 270 tim…