MONTREAL – A new study has revealed that the piece of tinfoil you thought was big enough to cover a lidless tupperware container is, in fact, not big enough. Researchers from Concordia Uni…
Tag: report
Report: The only thing that loves you unconditionally also loves licking its own butthole
VANCOUVER – Researchers at the University of British Columbia Faculty of Science report that the only thing that loves you without question feels the same way about tonguing its tuchus. The…
Weather reports now just daily list of records broken in latest heatwave
OAKVILLE, ONTARIO ― Canadian meteorology channel The Weather Network announced today that it will soon be transitioning to a record-based method of reporting daily temperatures. Come September, t…
Report: Millennials average net worth only 8000 likes
CALGARY, AB – Surveying the livelihood and stability of adults born between 1982 and 2004, a report released today has concluded that the net worth of the average millennial is only 8000 li…
Report: Door not as heavy as expected
CHARLOTTETOWN, PEI – Despite being large and made of heavy-looking glass, a report released Monday has concluded that the door to Belle’s Yoga Studio on Belvedere Ave. is way lighter than y…
REPORT: Everyone remembers that awkward thing you did last year and they talk about it constantly
FORT MCMURRAY, AB – Confirming longtime suspicions, evidenced reports are coming in which confirm that, yes, everyone remembers that awkward thing you did last year and they talk about it c…
REPORT: Kidnappers giving proof of life only thing keeping newspapers alive
OTTAWA – A new report by print media analysts revealed Thursday that up to 70% of all physical newspaper subscriptions have been traced back to organized crime, as cartels and fringe groups…
REPORT: 93% of couples consider partner watching TV series ahead of them to be worse than cheating
OTTAWA – According to an extensive survey conducted over the past year, the average person considers the act of watching new episodes of a television series without their partner, colloquia…
REPORT: Cards Against Humanity officially surpasses acoustic guitars as the most annoying thing you can bring to a party
VICTORIA, BC – After data collection from thousands of parties across the country, reports are coming in that the annoying person who brings an acoustic guitar to a party is now officially …
Report: Idiot wasp trapped inside even though window completely open
DIEPPE, NB – Furiously attempting to escape the living room of a local family’s residence, stupid wasp was reported colliding into the glass multiple times, just inches away from a complete…
