Brandon, MB – Sofie, your friend with two children under the age of 5, clearly spent most of last night’s zoom call thinking of ways to murder you as you talked about how calm and uneventuf…
Tag: Featured Post
Local prisoner practices social distancing by escaping
Bath, ON – In an effort to prevent the spread of the COVID-19 virus, prison inmate Geoff Rogers has taken necessary measures to distance himself from others by escaping from the Millhaven I…
Obama wholeheartedly endorses only option
WASHINGTON, DC – Former President Barack Obama has announced his enthusiastic support for Joe Biden by endorsing him over all other current Democratic candidates. “I cannot think of a bette…
To soothe nation, Trudeau delivers daily address in ASMR
OTTAWA – Realizing the traumatic nature of the current pandemic, Justin Trudeau has sought to further reassure Canadians by delivering his daily address in a whispering tone designed to eli…
Montreal halts road construction until everyone can enjoy it again
MONTREAL – The City of Montreal has decided to halt all road construction due to COVID-19 making it impossible for commuters to enjoy traffic delays as they usually do. “One of the pinnacle…
Governments anxiously await modelling to predict when they can resume cutting health budgets
TORONTO – Governments from across Canada and around the world have been anxiously awaiting predictive modelling that will give an educated guess of when they can resume gutting the public h…
Man accused of sexual assault to win 2020 presidency
WASHINGTON DC – Following today’s announcement from Bernie Sanders’ campaign that the Vermont senator will no longer be seeking the Democratic nomination, the path has been cleared fo…
Local man damned if he’s going to let self isolation motivate him to exercise
VANCOUVER — Local sales manager Brett Thomas has stated in no uncertain terms that he’s damned if he’s going to let his self isolation and time away from work motivate him to exercise. “I underst…
I know Tiger King was messed up, but I’m going to be the right sort of tiger owner
By: Dave Croft I think the documentary Tiger King, by focusing on people like Doc Antle, Joe Exotic and Carole Baskin, has skewed the public’s perception of tiger owners. Most of us are har…
“Thank god for service workers” says man who will oppose minimum wage hike in 9 months
Oshawa, ON – Local man Keith Spahr is adding his voice to the millions of Canadians currently expressing gratitude at the people who are allowing us to buy groceries and other essential ite…
