STANFORD – The physics world has been turned on its head today by incontrovertible proof that our material universe began when a gender reveal party 15 billion years ago resulted in an expl…
Tag: Featured Post
Despondent CNE fans lower sticks of deep-fried butter to half-mast
TORONTO – Yesterday, thousands of distraught fans of the Canadian National Exhibition took a moment out of their day to lower their sticks of deep-fried butter out of respect for the cancel…
Trudeau planning fall election after determining Canadians haven’t suffered enough this year
OTTAWA – The Liberals are set to announce a fall election after determining these past 18 months hasn’t been quite painful enough for Canadians. “Sure there’s been a pandemic, economic cras…
Toronto Police allowed to turn off body cams if they are planning a surprise party
TORONTO – The Toronto Police recently unveiled their new body cameras which will record every interaction officers have with the public unless the officer involved is in the middle of plann…
Racist facebook friend got married
Kitchener, ON – Reports from your facebook account indicate that Mitch, a guy you once met on a camping trip and who has been posting increasingly racist memes for several years now, recent…
“I bike everywhere!” brags cyclist who can afford living downtown
TORONTO – Brian McFarlen, a local cyclist who can afford to live less than five minutes from the heart of downtown, has bragged about biking everywhere. “It’s a great way to get around whil…
Trudeau chides vandals for not politely asking statue to stop being monument to brutal racist
OTTAWA – Prime Minister Justin Trudeau wanted those who toppled a statue of noted proponent of Indigenous genocide Sir John A. Macdonald to know he is deeply disappointed in them for not us…
Erin O’Toole nabs Canada’s coveted racist statue demographic
OTTAWA – This weekend the Conservative Party’s new leader made promising inroads with a key voter demographic: Canada’s tight-knit community of racist statues. “What happened to our brother…
Poll: 30% of Canadians support letting Alberta join U.S. “for the laughs”
TORONTO – As the Wexit movement pivots from independence towards joining the U.S., 30% of Canadians east of Saskatchewan say they are in favour of this, given how entertaining they expect i…
Edmonton police spend $500,000 on proof they are incapable of reading the goddamn room
EDMONTON – As calls are going out to defund and demilitarize police forces across North America, the Edmonton Police Service are loudly proclaiming themselves to be completely unaware of th…
