OTTAWA – In the wake of the New York Times’ revelation that Donald Trump paid almost no income tax for the last 15 years, Canada’s wealthy are really hoping no one notices how little tax they’ve been paying for the last 40 years.
“Oh wow, only $750.00 paid in 2016. That’s just… outrageous,” said Loblaws heir Galen Weston Jr. “I definitely, probably, paid at least double that.”
“Plus I save the taxpayer a ton of money on hair care deductions by cutting it myself,” he added.
The Times’ story came as a shock to anyone who forgot Trump openly bragged about this on camera a few years ago, or who didn’t read the Panama Papers expose, which uncovered that basically every billionaire in Canada is hiding vast sums of money offshore in order to avoid paying what they owe.
“I condemn in the strictest terms Donald Trump’s actions,” said Arthur Irving. “Specifically the action where he got caught and potentially ruined this scheme for the rest of us.”
“Now if you’ll excuse me I have to run my quarterly profits through a web of trusts and holding corporations so confusing that the feds basically have no chance of ever learning what I really made. Ta-Ta.”