GENEVA, SWITZERLAND – The World Health Organization has announced a last minute doorcrasher deal on the latest COVID variant, omicron, just in time for Black Friday shopping. “With the Chri…
Tag: covid-19
COVID booster shots approved for all sheeple and government simps over 18
OTTAWA – A third booster shot of the COVID-19 vaccine has been approved by Health Canada for use on all sheeple and government simps over the age of 18. “At this time the booster is recomme…
Fox’s highest rated new series The Anti-Mask Singer
LOS ANGELES – Fox’s viewership has reached astronomical new heights with its smash new television hit, The Anti-Mask Singer. “This show really speaks to our core audience,” says Fox spokesperson …
Sniffling anti-vaxxers finally relent after being offered a lollipop
CANADA ― In an unforeseen turn of events, anti-vaxxers across Canada suddenly announced their willingness to take a Covid shot today, after realizing that lollipops would be available afterward. …
Misinformed horse uses COVID-19 vaccine to treat worm infestation
LOUISVILLE, KY- Despite pleas to reconsider his stance by his family and veterinarian, local farm horse Mr. Clip Clop has thrown away his prescribed ivermectin and is using doses of COVID-19 vacc…
Education Minister clarifies he would have normally fired 50,000 education workers for non-COVID reasons
TORONTO – Ontario’s Education Minister Stephen Lecce explained that he would have made Ontario’s education system “more efficient” by cutting 50,000 education jobs, but enforcing a vaccine …
Suspended Evander Kane says he’d have to throw at least 10 games to make up for lost wages
SAN JOSE – After being caught for forging his proof of COVID-19 vaccination, San Jose Sharks left winger Evander Kane says he would have to intentionally lose nearly a dozen games to make u…
Over 4 million Albertans diagnosed with long-haul Kenney
CALGARY – Doctors have diagnosed all of Alberta with the long term side-effects of Premier Jason Kenney which could last up to 18 months. Symptoms include crowded hospitals, absent leadersh…
As vaccines for kids ages 5-11 develop further, you might have to see your douchebag nephew Kyle as soon as this year
OTTAWA – Pfizer and BioNTech have released preliminary data to Health Canada stating that a vaccine for children ages 5 to 11 years could be available sooner than originally thought. Side e…