“With the Christmas shopping season officially kicking off, we’re pleased to announce the hottest new COVID variant imported all the way from South Africa, omicron,” explained the WHO’s head of marketing. “And by ‘hottest’, I’m of course referring to the temperatures patients will reach upon contracting this potentially-deadly coronavirus variant.”
The 2021 omicron variant reportedly boasts a large number of new mutations, just in time for the holiday season. “Plus, for those who already got COVID last Christmas, we’re happy to report that omicron has an increased risk of reinfection.”
“Wait, did I say ‘happy’? I meant ‘extraordinarily concerned’,” the WHO spokesperson added.
The WHO made the decision to designate omicron a “variant of concern” in response to consumer demand for the COVID-19 virus, particularly among unvaccinated shoppers in the United States. While COVID cases in North America have seen a recent uptick, the WHO has assured shoppers that the omicron variant will not be hampered by recent supply chain difficulties.
“Supplies of the omicron variant are currently limited, but they soon won’t be if shoppers continue to crowd into busy malls on Black Friday” explained the WHO spokesperson.
“Plus, the name ‘omicron’ kinda already sounds like a toy your kid would want for Christmas, so that’s festive!”
At press time still no announcement of Black Friday sales on desperately needed ventilators or vaccines for the international community.