NEW YORK – In a press conference today, NFL commissioner Roger Goodell responded to reports suggesting he had seen the video of suspended running back Ray Rice punching his wife in an elevator m...
Following verdict, Oscar Pistorius promises to be more careful next time he shoots girlfriend
PRETORIA, SOUTH AFRICA – Following a judge’s ruling that he did not murder Reeva Steenkamp, Oscar Pistorius pledged that he would approach his next domestic homicide far more cautiously. “I am d...
iPhone 6 to feature app that lets you know when iPhone 7 will be released
SAN FRANCISCO – Tech giant Apple has announced that their new iPhone 6 and the iPhone 6 Plus will both come pre-loaded with exclusive software to let you know when the iPhone 7 will be released....
Conservative prostitution bill C-36 defines sex as gross, terrifying
OTTAWA – Bill C-36, the Conservative government’s proposed prostitution bill, will seek to define sex as “gross,” “terrifying” and “something only mommies and daddies should do when absolu...
Franklin expedition ship still one of Canadian navy’s most advanced
OTTAWA – Royal Canadian Navy officials were overjoyed on Tuesday to learn that their most advanced ship, which was last seen in 1848, had finally been located near King William Island. “This is a real...
Margaret Atwood’s latest book, all other books, to remain unread for 100 years
TORONTO – In what is being called an exciting artistic experiment, beloved author Margaret Atwood has released a new work to be placed in a time capsule where it, like the thousands of the belov...
Edmonton man can’t scratch mosquito bites due to snow gloves
EDMONTON – Local man Taylor Webster has been having difficulty satisfactorily scratching the many mosquito bites he got last week at the lake, likely because the recent snowfall has required him...
William and Kate confirm: ‘we just can’t stop boning’
LONDON – With the news of a second baby on the way, the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge have confirmed they both “really like boning.” “We are very pleased to announce that our constan...
DNA tests ‘prove’ that Jack the Ripper was a super weird dude
LONDON – Following years of DNA testing on one of the only surviving pieces of physical evidence, British scientists have conclusively determined that notorious serial murderer Jack the Ripper w...
September 6th, 1917: Billy Bishop shoots down entire German air force
NEAR ARRAS, FRANCE – Canadian fighter ace Captain Billy Bishop of the Royal Flying Corps has shot down the entire German Imperial Air Force capping his aerial victory count to 3,268. After being...
