OTTAWA – Royal Canadian Navy officials were overjoyed on Tuesday to learn that their most advanced ship, which was last seen in 1848, had finally been located near King William Island.
“This is a real game changer for us,” explained Vice-Admiral Mark Norman.
“We’ve been waiting for a replacement for this cutting-edge wooden boat with massive sails for almost 170 years now.”
“The military procurement process is, as you may have heard, slightly slow,” Norman continued. “But now that we’ve located either the HMS Erebus or HMS Terror on the sea floor, the Royal Canadian Navy back up to full strength!”
The ship’s discovery was also a source of joy in Ottawa.
“The cold waters of the Arctic have preserved the boat with minimal damage,” boasted Prime Minister Stephen Harper. “The old gal be back out there defending our precious Arctic sovereignty in no time.”
As a solitary tear of joy ran down his cold cheek, Harper proclaimed: “This ship has a steam engine, two mortars, and several guns. Those Ruskies will never know what hit them!”
At press time, a moment of silence was given to the 28 men lost on the Conservative government’s six year, multi-million dollar expedition to find the ship.
