Google unveils carless driver

MOUNTAIN VIEW, CALIFORNIA – In a move that promises to ravish and dilapidate the transportation industry, technology leviathan Google, Inc. has revealed ‘Walker’: a fully-functional p…

English Canadian unable to explain Quebec to foreign friend

OTTAWA – Shortly after welcoming his friend Jack from Australia into his home, local man Stephen Christie found himself unable to properly satisfy his visitors’ many questions about Quebec …

Slightly too many chicken wings consumed

TORONTO- Disaster struck a local half-price wing night when local “wingthusiast” Lindsey Sarpedelli ordered a second pound of chicken wings and wound up feeling “a little bit bloated and a lot be…

Porn star degrades herself by running for Toronto mayor

TORONTO – Friends and family of adult film star Nikki Benz find themselves at a loss to explain the actress’ baffling decision to debase herself by running in the upcoming Toronto mayoral electio…

City of Montreal ramps up Eurotrash collection for Grand Prix Weekend

MONTREAL — In order to prevent excess pollution to the downtown area, the City of Montreal has ramped up its Eurotrash collection service for the Canadian Grand Prix weekend. “Every year at this …

Misinformed Canadian high school students remember Canada’s sacrifice on Vietnam beach

HALTON – A group of misinformed high school students are commemorating the contributions Canadian soldiers they didn’t actually make on the shores of a beach in Vietnam some seventy years a…

Staunch New Democrat to vote Liberal again

TORONTO – Despite considering himself a strong supporter of the New Democratic Party, local voter Jason Poulos plans to cast his ballot for the Liberals in the upcoming election, as he has …

Local man sits doing nothing while phone charges

HAMILTON, ON – Local man Ian Barslow sat in a chair for 40-minutes doing absolutely nothing while he waited for his iPhone battery to charge, sources at an open house reported yesterday. “H…

Local ant farm bought out by agribusiness

CAPE BRETON, NS – Tragedy struck Nova Scotia today, as one of the last locally owned agricultural sites in the province, an ant farm owned by 11-year-old Billy Lawson, was bought out by agr…

Local man underestimates temperature of dumpling

WINKLER, MN – Incorrectly thinking that he had let it sit on his plate for a long enough time, Winkler resident Fred Collins was burned by a pork dumpling at dinnertime. “I was hungry, and I thou…