Son, you weren’t an accident; you were a tax benefit
BY: CRAIG TOWNSEND, FATHER AND ACCOUNTANT My dear boy, you’re coming to that age where you might think that your mother and I didn’t expect to have you as one of our children. I can tell you that…
Justin Trudeau tries to avoid looking at portrait of father during annual Parliamentary orgy
OTTAWA – Despite saying he still “enjoyed the experience” and found it “quite rewarding” Liberal leader Justin Trudeau admitted it was a little tough to perform during the annual taxpayer f…
Just for Laughs fraternal Twins Parade a big disappointment
MONTREAL — The Just for Laughs management is getting major flack this year after surprising festival goers with a parade of fraternal twins. Yesterday’s ‘Twins Parade’, w…
Donald Trump creating divide in GOP between racists and secret racists
Boise, Idaho — The results of a new poll released Friday suggest that Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump is creating a divide in the GOP between its traditional base of overt ra…
Local barbecue going pretty we- OH CHRIST THAT MOTH IS HUGE
WINDSOR – As the burgers cook and the keg is already half-empty, it seems that a local BBQ is going to be a big succe- OH JESUS WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT THING? “It just came pinwheeling out of…
Zero injured after sinkhole swallows entire Pan Am stadium
TORONTO – Disaster was narrowly avoided yesterday after a sinkhole opened up under the Pan Am stadium during track and field finals, a tragedy that could have been even worse had anybody be…
Toronto City Hall demands tighter kickbacks from Uber
TORONTO – In the wake of a crackdown on UberX drivers, city of Toronto officials are demanding that Uber comply with the same stringent code of semi-legal bribery that currently governs the…
Feeling dead on the inside now a requirement for federal government jobs
OTTAWA – All federal departments and Crown Corporations will now have an added job requirement: feeling completely empty, hopeless and void of human emotion. Treasury Board President Tony C…
Toronto girl opposes Osheaga headdress ban citing tradition of cultural appropriation
TORONTO — After the news that Aboriginal headdresses will not be allowed at Montreal music festival Osheaga, Toronto party girl Becky Cotter has been protesting the ban citing her family’s …
Iran and US agree to destroy world slowly via nuclear power instead
WASHINGTON – World powers and Iran struck a historic agreement Tuesday; Iran has agreed to curb its nuclear capabilities, putting the possibility of nuclear weapons out of reach, and drawing prai…
