Rob Ford signs multi-thousand dollar tracksuit sponsorship deal
TORONTO — Former Toronto mayor Rob Ford has just announced a lucrative multi-thousand dollar tracksuit deal with Adidas. After recently having signed NBA heartthrob James Harden, Adidas’ is…
World anxiously awaits results of Whitehorse municipal election
WHITEHORSE — In a race that has attracted international media coverage with stakes higher than ever before, Whitehorsians will determine the fate of their mayor, councillors and ultimately …
Harper warns niqab could be used to conceal some kind of mouth gun
OTTAWA – After weeks of promising to ban the niqab from citizenship ceremonies, Prime Minister Stephen Harper has revealed that the face-covering garment could be more dangerous than origin…
Deep feeling of weariness polling strongly in federal election
CANADA – A recent series of polls from Nanos and Ipsos-Reid show that a profound, crushing tiredness is still the federal election frontrunner. “While other parties have had their peaks and…
Tory scientists discover new base instinct to appeal to
OTTAWA – After years of research into the human species’ most contemptible tendencies, a group of Conservative Party researchers have come across an entirely new kind of loathsomeness to ex…
Harper forced to ask Ford brothers to eat chicken wings more quietly at campaign appearance
ETOBICOKE, ON – During a speech in front of over a hundred supporters yesterday morning, Prime Minister Harper had to pause several times to ask Rob and Doug Ford to eat their chicken wings…
Trudeau flies paraglider to rally
KITCHENER — Liberal Leader Justin Trudeau wowed his supporters today by arriving at a rally in a motorized paraglider. Despite a busy schedule, the 43 year-old politician managed to squeez…
Handy ghost returns to complete unfinished basement
LETHBRIDGE, AB – After moving into their dream house in Lethbridge, Alberta the family of Tom and Christie Miller have reported hearing “weird” noises and seeing glimpses of a wispy, transp…
Elections Canada apologizes for long lines, offers voters complimentary ballots
OTTAWA — Taking responsibility for long wait times to vote, Elections Canada has offered all advanced voters complimentary ballots in addition to the one they’ve already cast. “We apologize…
