VANCOUVER – Purchasers of units within Vancouver’s luxury condo, “The Pacific”, were dismayed to find that the building they were preparing to move into was in fact just a large cluster of oil soaked rags.
“The Pacific” has for months been touted by Developer Bob Rennie as the absolute pinnacle of the Vancouver Real Estate Market. Leading up to the sale of the units, Rennie and his team marketed the building as “luxurious and elegant”, “a local status symbol”, and “the perfect investment vehicle.” However, an in-depth investigation revealed that the building itself was just some clumped together rags, dripping with oil, waiting to be set on fire.
In a rage-filled interview this Sunday, purchaser Alex Hinds noted, “When you buy a $750,000 unit in the middle of a city with an economy like Vancouver’s, you expect a sizable return on your investment. To think that I just threw away all of my life savings and took out a sizable loan to finance what will soon be a raging bonfire… I mean, it hurts. It really hurts.”
Rennie shot back at these purchasers by defending the potential value of the Pacific. “Sure, it looks like a bunch of cooking aprons dipped in oil and dragged through the mud,” Rennie stated at a press conference while casually tapping at his Rolex, “But that’s what Vancouver is all about. Do you know what Yaletown looked like before I got here? It was a bunch of old barrel factories on a lake of fire. In five years, those clumped together rags that we’re calling The Pacific will sell for $1,000,000 to $1,250,000, easy.”
At press time, Hinds had successfully offloaded his $750,000 unit in The Pacific for $900,000 to a foreign buyer. As far as he knows, the rags have yet to be set ablaze.
