Geriatric riot erupts after Stuart Mclean show cancelled
EDMONTON — A live show of Stuart Mclean’s Vinyl Cafe show scheduled to appear in Edmonton was cancelled causing a riot among disappointed octogenarians and retirees . After the venue announ…
WHO report convinces chain smoker to give up red meat
TORONTO – Citing a new study from the World Health Organization linking red and processed meats to cancer, lifelong smoker Sofia Vial has vowed to never again eat bacon, ham, sausages, steak, or …
Used mirror still has old owner’s reflection in it
DEER CREVICE, ON – Local woman Lauren Badami is considering returning a defective antique mirror she purchased that still reflects the cold, grey likeness of a man she assumes was its previ…
Irving lays off province of New Brunswick
SAINT JOHN, N.B. — At a press conference this morning J.D. Irving Ltd. announced that they were going to start “folding up operation” of the bilingual province of 751,171 people. “New Bruns…
Progressives applaud nation’s willingness to take powerful man seriously despite good looks
OTTAWA—Following the election of Justin Trudeau as Canada’s next Prime Minister, advocates for equality and civility in political discourse have congratulated Canadian voters for demonstrating th…
Local man no longer talking about job he’s “totally gonna get”
MONTREAL – A local man’s group of friends have grown suspicious of his silence on the topic of the job he was “totally gonna get”. A neighbourhood cafe where three men convene several times…
Justin Trudeau files 35 million workplace harassment complaints against Canada
OTTAWA – Less than one week after guiding his party to a surprise majority in the federal election, Prime Minister-designate Justin Trudeau has already filed 35 million workplace harassment compl…
Justin Trudeau returns to 24 Sussex to find his old crusty socks
OTTAWA — Prime Minister-designate Justin Trudeau had time to visit his old childhood homestead where he found his secret pair of old crusty socks. The pair of stained yellow Hanes socks wit…
KFC introduces bucket of chicken skins
LOUISVILLE – With a bold ad campaign featuring the slogan “Who are we even kidding anymore?” KFC introduced its new “Bucket of Skins” earlier this month, and it has instantly become an all-…
Gilles Duceppe quits Bloc leadership to seek Bloc leadership again
MONTREAL — Bloc Québécois leader Gilles Duceppe has announced his resignation so that he may seek a third term as Bloc Quebecois leader. “My friends, I take full responsibility for the part…
