New roommate apparently into banjo
MONTREAL – Having only recently moved into an apartment near McGill University, second year Geography student Natasha Ingersoll has been distressed to discover that her new roommate is appa…
Royal Couple unable to find accommodations, to house-sit in Yukon
WHITEHORSE – The opportunity of a lifetime awaits a Yukon homeowner with a room or better yet house to spare after the Royal Couple were unable to find any hotel accommodations for their st…
Woman standing in line outside of bar getting 90% of TIFF experience
TORONTO – Alexandra Adkins couldn’t go to a TIFF gala on Friday night, but the enterprising young woman managed to find a suitable alternative: standing in line outside The Porch nightclub …
Giant Panda removed from endangered list, added to food chain
BEIJING – After decades of conservation efforts experts in China have announced that the giant panda population has finally returned to a level at which they can now be consumed by humans a…
Wedding guests unsure if centerpieces supposed to look like dicks
MILTON—Guests at the wedding of Tom Maston and Sarah Croft have begun to experience genuine confusion about whether or not the cactus and limonium centerpieces are intentionally designed to resem…
Private-clinic doctor calls for constitutional challenge to the Hippocratic Oath
VANCOUVER – Private-clinic owner Dr. Brian Day has called for a constitutional challenge for an oath he says is a relic of the past, no longer useful in today’s society. “There’s so much in…
Phoenix pay system makes generous $1.5 billion charitable donation with unpaid public servants salaries
OTTAWA – After kicking off the Government Charitable Workplace Campaign for all public servants, the Public Service Commission has announced that new Phoenix Pay System has made a very cons…
This November: The News Arrives
The Beaverton news team is coming to Comedy this November. For more follow: Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheBeaverton/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/TheBeaverton Instagram: https://www.insta…
Top 5 back-to-school wines for teachers
The school year is just beginning, which means that it’s time for teachers across the nation to restock their secret caches of wine. Don’t let yourself get overwhelmed by the hundreds of choices!…
Toronto school bus driver shortage solved by friendly stranger in windowless van full of candy
TORONTO – The “unanticipated” shortage of school bus drivers that left more than a thousand TDSB students unable to get to school this week has since been resolved by a friendly stranger in a win…
