The Beaverton

Elizabeth May excited about new seat

SAANICH, BC – Elizabeth May, leader of the Green Party of Canada, was excited last Tuesday to finally find a seat. May reported that she is incredibly thankful, since her unfurnished house …


Harper on change: Yes we can’t

OTTAWA – Following his party’s win at the polls last week, Conservative leader Stephen Harper spoke in a televised address to assure Canadians he is ready to form a government stronger in i…


RCMP bust inhumane balloon animal mill

MEDICINE HAT, AB – A southern Alberta balloon animal mill has been slammed with dozens of charges under the provincial Balloon Animal Care Act for its inhumane treatment of balloon animals.…


Charlie Sheen elected Prime Minister

OTTAWA – Charlie Sheen will be named Canada’s next Prime Minister after winning a majority government on Monday. “Tonight, this great country has voted for winning,” announced Sheen in a vi…


Leafs to fans: No, you suck!

TORONTO – Toronto Maple Leafs GM Brian Burke and a few of his players called a surprise press conference Thursday afternoon to lash back at fans that have been unsupportive of the club’s po…


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