Ontario Liberals give up, let each school choose their own sex-ed curriculum

  Aisha Alfa reports on the Kathleen Wynne government’s plan to let each school set their own sex ed curriculum, and the wildly different lesson plans that the school boards have come …

Sarnia City Council passes bylaw requiring mayor to wear dog muzzle

SARNIA, ON – In a move that escalates the sanctions against the Mayor of Sarnia, city council passed a by-requiring the Mayor Mike Bradley to wear a dog muzzle when he’s within 50 meters of…

Male injection recipients complain after becoming first humans to ever suffer side effects from birth control

Geneva, Switzerland – Following a clinical trial of an injectable male contraceptive, the male scientists and male test subjects involved have announced that they are the first human beings…

Which character from Friends would vote for Donald Trump?

For us 90s kids, Friends was the show that taught us how to live, laugh and love, as well as convinced us that only white people live in New York City. Though the show may be gone, the good times…

Peter Mansbridge retiring in order to spend more time lobbing softball questions at his family

  Eminent journalist Peter Mansbridge, host of CBC’s The National and revered across the country for his ability to sit down with world leaders and ask them what their ideal Sunday mor…

Breaking: orgy house forgot about trick-or-treaters again

Abbotsford, B.C. – After swearing they weren’t going to make the same mistake this year, Jim and Marlene Smith once again scheduled their big fall orgy to take place on the same night as Ha…

QUIZ: Is the call coming from inside the house?

It’s late at night. A storm rages outside. Thunder booms so loudly you’re starting to think the whole house might collapse. The lights flicker on and off, and the phone rings. You wonder to yours…

New Canadian Heritage Minute is surprisingly self-aware

  Making parodies about Heritage Minutes. A part of our history since 5 minutes after the first Heritage Minute premiered.…

Uberpool replaces tinder as the top app to meet psychopaths

PALO ALTO – A study of Google Play and the App Store indicates that Uberpool has surpassed Tinder, Grindr, and Pokemon Go as the top app to meet local psychopaths. “Uberpool is just so much…

EDITORIAL: Stop freaking out because I’m waving this loaded gun around, by Maxime Bernier

By Maxime Bernier Can everyone please calm the fuck down? Tabarnak. Look, just because I’m reaching out to Canada’s firearms manufacturers and gun owners to raise money for my leadership bid, doe…