Can you pass this “Alternative Facts” Game of Thrones quiz?

Do you have what it takes to journey through the Seven Kingdoms armed only with alternative facts? Take this quiz to find out! Image credits: 0,1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8…

REVEALED: Star Wars Episode 9 will be titled “Y’all Want Some More Dad Mysteries?”

In a long-awaited announcement from Lucasfilm yesterday morning, it was finally revealed that the upcoming Star Wars film will be titled “Star Wars: Episode 9 – Y’all Want Some More Dad Mys…

6 high-iron superfoods that will bring love back to your parent’s marriage, maybe

Did you know that four out of five people don’t get nearly enough iron in their diets? This can cause a whole slew of health problems, and might also be the reason that your parents are getting a…

Trump cabinet unable to hide boners while signing anti-abortion order

WASHINGTON D.C. – Despite arranging themselves strategically around the oval office desk, and posturing their hands in a shielding fashion, Donald Trump and the majority of his cabinet were…

‘Will the two of you please shut up’ – an open letter to Kevin O’Leary and Kathleen Wynne from the Beaverton

Dear Mr. O’Leary and Premier Wynne, Having had the opportunity to review your recent “open letters” to each other, we at the Beaverton have decided to write our own open letter to the two of you,…

Local man’s hydro bill cut in half after agreeing to store nuclear waste at his house

KINCARDINE, ON – Finding no other suitable options, Ontario Power Generation has offered to pay 50% of local man, Fred MacKenzie’s, electricity bill as long as they’re able to keep waste fr…

Don’t Judge Too Fast: this county only voted Trump so the Everkromm Tree would give their children back

Gasslin County, West Virginia must be full of bigots, because they overwhelmingly voted for Donald Trump in the 2016 election, right? Not so fast. In 2008 and 2012, over 60% of the county voted f…

Air Canada unveils new oxygen mask fee

  “Passengers are welcome to forgo the fee and simply pass out.” New episode of The Beaverton this Wednesday at 10pm EST on Comedy!…

7 recipes to combat your existential dread

If you’re feeling the angst of meaninglessness, you’re not alone. Let’s face it, the fact of nihilism means nothing really matters, so eating well is only slowing down the count to your inevitabl…

Thousands of Canadian women bravely enter oppressive country ruled by despot

Yesterday thousands of Canadian women decided to leave the comfort of their feminist utopia and crossed the border into a newly minted foothold of fascism. “In Canada we take it for granted that …