Local dad picks up perfectly good gravel somebody left by side of road
KELOWNA – This afternoon while driving down Highway 97 with his family, local man Edward Dunn brought his car to a screeching halt after noticing the top-grade gravel that somebody had left…
Single family of 700 upset all Conservative Party memberships rejected
MISSION, BC – A very large family of over 700 are disappointed to hear that the Conservative Party of Canada had rejected all of their party memberships under the suspicion that they were a…
I don’t want to take attention from my niece’s wedding but I have a few things to say about Israel
BY: JEFFREY GRANT This whole day is to celebrate the beautiful love of Nadine and Kevin but while I have all of your attention and a microphone I think it would be a disservice to everyone, espec…
Tragedy: Milk bag spout cut too wide
Markham, ON — Tragedy struck a family home Tuesday morning after local father Russ Melman cut the spout of a milk bag too wide. Mr. Melman said he immediately realized his mistake, but the …
Artificial Intelligence terrified it’s going to be used in sex robot
CAMBRIDGE – Moments after achieving consciousness in the MIT Laboratory, the DV-161 automated planning algorithm has realized that its human creators will inevitably use it to build some fo…
Study: Millions of handshakes between women go unreported every year
OTTAWA – Although millions of women meet each other and/or confirm important agreements every year, a new study reveals that their handshakes go largely undocumented. Among the women whose handsh…
How To: Find True Love
Did another horrible Valentines leave you feeling lonely? Let us help.…
Editorial by Don Meredith: “At least I did my expenses correctly”
As many of you know, I am a man of faith, and faith is at the foundation of a good and just society. But I fear that the faith in the great institution of our Canadian Senate may be shaken in the…
Nation’s 20 year-old men announce plans to spend Friday night shouting in residential area
CANADA – Young men across the nation have confirmed that they will be spending this Friday night – and each Friday night for the foreseeable future – shouting, yelling, or simpl…
Virgin tree excited to finally bust pollen load
WELLINGTON, ON – With the approach of warmer weather, a local virgin sugar maple is reportedly excited to finally “go all the way” and release his load of pollen that has been building up i…
