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‘I’m going to business school’ reports man who just gave up

Toronto – Self identified James Octin has decided to go to University of Ontario for a Masters in Business Administration after giving up on all other possible options.

“I’m excited to thrive in the complex economy of today and tomorrow,” reported Octin. “But what I’m really looking forward to is a single generic graduate program solving all of my professional and personal shortcomings.”

“James has always been a human participation award” said mother Kathleen “but since he is white and middle class seems like a logical step.”

Before enrolling in the business program Octin achieved little to no success in a variety of fields including improv comedy, venue management, and a pyramid scheme from which he still has 1000 cans of energy drink.

“Ivey Business school at University of Western Ontario has a career focused curriculum that specializes in taking people’s money and then dumping them into an over saturated job market” said Dean Robert E Kennedy. “We are thrilled to have James.”

When surveyed about their reasons for going to business school not all of Octin’s classmates had given up in the same manner as him. The survey indicated there was a great diversity of how people had given up before going to business school including eating cereal without milk for every meal, exclusively wearing sweatpants and attempting to play Call of Duty professionally. About half the cohort had 9 pages of a screenplay sitting on their computer desktop.

At press time James has moved back in with parents after failing 101.

BREAKING: We wrote a fucking book