Giant Panda removed from endangered list, added to food chain
BEIJING – After decades of conservation efforts experts in China have announced that the giant panda population has finally returned to a level at which they can now be consumed by humans a…
Wedding guests unsure if centerpieces supposed to look like dicks
MILTON—Guests at the wedding of Tom Maston and Sarah Croft have begun to experience genuine confusion about whether or not the cactus and limonium centerpieces are intentionally designed to resem…
Private-clinic doctor calls for constitutional challenge to the Hippocratic Oath
VANCOUVER – Private-clinic owner Dr. Brian Day has called for a constitutional challenge for an oath he says is a relic of the past, no longer useful in today’s society. “There’s so much in…
Phoenix pay system makes generous $1.5 billion charitable donation with unpaid public servants salaries
OTTAWA – After kicking off the Government Charitable Workplace Campaign for all public servants, the Public Service Commission has announced that new Phoenix Pay System has made a very cons…
This November: The News Arrives
The Beaverton news team is coming to Comedy this November. For more follow: Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheBeaverton/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/TheBeaverton Instagram: https://www.insta…
Top 5 back-to-school wines for teachers
The school year is just beginning, which means that it’s time for teachers across the nation to restock their secret caches of wine. Don’t let yourself get overwhelmed by the hundreds of choices!…
Toronto school bus driver shortage solved by friendly stranger in windowless van full of candy
TORONTO – The “unanticipated” shortage of school bus drivers that left more than a thousand TDSB students unable to get to school this week has since been resolved by a friendly stranger in a win…
Unpaid intern to replace Peter Mansbridge as host of The National
TORONTO – Following Peter Mansbridge’s announcement that he will be retiring as host of The National in 2017, CBC has announced that they will be filling the role with an unpaid internship.…
Report: 100% of wireless Apple headphones already lost between couch cushions
SAN FRANCISCO – Following today’s Apple keynote announcement of their iPhone 7 featuring new wireless headphones, Apple users have reported that 100% of the new “AirPods” have been lost in …
Tom Hiddleston releases sad break-up song about Taylor Swift
LOS ANGELES — Coming off his recent split with Taylor Swift, Hollywood actor Tom Hiddleston has penned a soulful ballad about the pain he has experienced since the end of the relationship. …
