CANBERRA – An Australian senator who announced her resignation after discovering her dual-citizenship has made a very suspicious, Canadian-sounding apology.
Green MP Larissa Waters claimed that she was unaware that she was still a Canadian citizen, but issued two apologies in one statement along with some very nice compliments about the constituents she has served.
“I am deeply sorry for the impact that it will have,” said the Winnipeg-born Waters which raised many eyebrows among members of the press. “I apologise wholeheartedly to all those who have supported me and helped me to become a representative for the wonderful people of Queensland over the last six years.”
The politician known around the world for being the first woman to breastfeed in Australia’s Parliament has simultaneously renounced and reaffirmed her Canadian roots with the statement.
“If she actually didn’t know she was Canadian and didn’t intend to deceive anyone and violate section 44 of the constitution, she wouldn’t need to apologize,” explained Australian Broadcasting Corporation’s political analyst Louise Yaxley. “And saying you’re sorry for little or no reason is a very Canadian thing to do.”
In addition to her apologies, Waters continued to deny that she had any knowledge about her foreign identity despite being a strong supporter public health care, 52-week paternity leave, and asserting a smug superiority when compared to Americans.
At press time, Waters had already apologized for apologizing too much.