REGINA – Brad Wall has completed his sentence as Saskatchewan Premier and is set to be released on parole in November. “I’ve made mistakes,” said a heavily tattooed Wall while exhaling a cigaret...
Manitoba Premier: ‘My wife is the hardest working premier in a long time’
WINNIPEG – Manitoba Premier Brian Pallister is defending his wife for responding to emails and phone calls for official government business on his behalf calling her Manitoba’s best premier. “Yo...
Local man prepares for coming nuclear apocalypse by downloading new podcast episodes
Luke is joined by Jordan Foisy, Alexander Saxton and Lauren Messervey for this final podcast before the nuclear apocalypse. They discuss how North Korea went from global joke to our worst nightmare (4...
We can tell if you’re the Joey of your friends group based on how many people you’ve killed!
Look, every group of friends has a Joey. A simple, fun-loving guy who is maybe not the brightest bulb in the shed and has definitely killed quite a number of people. But how do you know if that person...
Out of work giant rubber duck tragically deflates self with heroin needle
TORONTO – After weeks of unemployment following the Canada 150 celebrations, the giant rubber duck that was a star attraction has tragically deflated itself while trying to shoot heroin. “I’ve s...
Right whales disguised as adorable seal pups to raise awareness about pending extinction
ST. JOHN’S – A group of environmentalists are disguising all right whales – dead and alive – as adorable harp seal pups in an attempt to gain international attention to the plight of...
Liberals ‘shocked’ that Saudi Arabia using Canadian weapons against civilians this soon
OTTAWA – A furious Chrystia Freeland advised reporters that the Trudeau government was “furious” that the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia was using Canadian made personnel carriers and LAVs during a vio...
Local man manages to get in a quick 15 minute existential crisis before work everyday
MONTREAL – Saying it keeps him feeling fresh and alert, local man David Oberto has spent the last year doing high-intensity existential crisis before heading out to his job each morning. “I star...
5 caskets purchased in bulk for funeral of Costco founder
MEDINA, WA – Costco co-founder Jeffrey Brotman was laid to rest last week in one of the caskets purchased in bulk found on aisle 27 near the coffee grinders and hot tubs. According to mourners, ...
Local man excited to eventually throw out all these vegetables he just bought
LISTOWEL, ON – Following his weekly routine, a local man has purchased several grocery bags full of expensive, fresh, and healthy vegetables today, so that he may spend the rest of the week lett...
