BRANDON, MA – Living together in quiet desperation in fear of being caught, a local couple has resorted to referring to each other as “babe” after both have completely forgotten what their partn...
Don’t we all own at least one property we forget about?
BY: BILL MORNEAU, MINISTER OF FINANCE When we formed the government the Prime Minister and I were determined to put the politics of division behind us and bring the country together. We did that by ce...
Sears closure leaves nation’s mothers unsure where to buy you ill-fitting pants
WINNIPEG – Sears Canada has announced plans to close down all operations, leaving the nation’s mothers at a loss for a place to purchase you irregularly sized sweaters, marked-down belts, and il...
Update: 3 minutes of vest-appropriate weather is here
BELLEVILLE, ON – At a ripe temperature of 16 degrees Celsius with heaping sun, Sidney Barrett excitedly donned a vest for the whole three minutes of vest-appropriate weather that exists in North Ameri...
Inspiring! Company sex robot appointed first female CEO of Uber
SAN FRANCISCO – Uber, the world-conquering ride share and regulation-dodging app, has taken the bold step of appointing its first ever female CEO: Ashlynn Haze, the company sex robot. “We realized to ...
STUDY: Shitty boyfriend will for sure change this time
DARTMOUTH, N.S. – Putting to rest any doubt in the minds of ex-girlfriends everywhere, a new study has found that – despite noticing an established pattern of selfish, inexcusable behaviou...
Montreal driver accidentally discovers turn signal while reaching for latte
MONTREAL – Driver Claude Williams was surprised to discover the turn signal on his Toyota RAV4 – a feature of his car thus far unknown to him and most Montreal drivers – while reaching for his f...
Twitter suspends Rose McGowan for not smiling enough
SAN FRANCISCO – American actress and director Rose McGowan was temporarily banned by Twitter this week after making several vocal statements about Harvey Weinstein and those complicit in his yea...
CRA to impose 40% tax on short, fleeting moments when retail workers feel alive
OTTAWA – In a document posted on its website Canada Revenue Agency has announced that, moving forward, all of the country’s retail workers will be required to give the government 40% of their br...
Rogue cop bucks system by going to jail after shooting teen
TORONTO – After a fatal encounter with an unarmed teenager, one renegade cop is bucking the system by actually going to jail for the crime. “I called him in and demanded that he not give me his ...
