CRA to impose 40% tax on short, fleeting moments when retail workers feel alive - The Beaverton

CRA to impose 40% tax on short, fleeting moments when retail workers feel alive

OTTAWA – In a document posted on its website has announced that, moving forward, all of the country’s workers will be required to give the government 40% of their brief flashes of happiness experienced while on the job.

“When an employee, as a benefit of their employment, gets to take a single minute outside the storeroom to close their eyes and think of a fond memory,” the document states, “then the employer must include that on the T4 form.”

“Also every time a customer smiles at them, is polite or just says ‘excuse me’ before demanding the worker stop what they are doing in order to show them where something is located, now counts as income.”

The new program is part of the government’s overhaul of the tax code. After previously going after the wealthy for income sprinkling, they have now decided to target the other example of tax avoidance pervading the Canadian system: workers who live paycheque to paycheque.

However a spokesperson denied that the change is designed to specifically target retail workers’ income.

“We don’t want minimum wage earners to pay more. We just want them to have no more than 3-4 minutes of joy in a given day.”

At press time the had cancelled the CRA’s plan and instructed them to move on to their next target: taxing fast food employees for their free daily soft drink.

The second season of our television show airs Wednesdays at 10 on Comedy. You can watch the latest episode right here!
Also, we wrote a god dam book!