To be clear, Marineland very much not offering customers opportunity to chainsaw live Orca

NIAGARA FALLS, ON – Several months after animal cruelty charges were laid against them by the OSPCA, the extremely litigious water park Marineland is not, we repeat, not, allowing guests th…

Trump pulls out of climate change agreement in hopes climate will cave, give better deal

WASHINGTON D.C. — President Donald Trump has announced that America will be withdrawing from the Paris Accord on Climate Change, a move which his administration says will force the climate to agr…

Women-only screenings of Wonder Woman countered by men-only screenings of sad porn

AUSTIN, TX — In response to several women-only screenings of the film Wonder Woman, numerous DC Comics fans are striking back with male-only screenings of online pornography. “For too long …

The Beaverton Weekly Report: May 31, 2017

Every week Beaverton editor-in-chief Luke Gordon Field assembles some of the country’s best comedians and writers to talk, mock and riff their way through the news of the week. Then he puts…

Typical centrist: Emmanuel Macron is already trying to build pipelines in BC

Well that didn’t take long. Just weeks after getting elected President of France, centrist politician and, duh, former banker Emmanuel Macron has been spotted in the interior of BC, burying lengt…

We bought a $3 million bungalow full of bats and were not happy with the result

By Catherine Jheon I was at work when my husband Julian called, with a kind of sexual excitement in his voice that I knew only too well. “I just saw a for sale sign. I didn’t bother looking at th…

NS Premier celebrates majority government win with traditional Cape Breton ER closure

GLACE BAY, NS – Premier Stephen McNeil marked his narrow Liberal majority victory by announcing a local ER would be closing for the next three to six weeks. Closing an ER in Cape Breton …

Queen Elizabeth to tour Canada in order to claim Prima Nocta

  Watch out Canadian newlyweds!…

Captive Minister of Fisheries eyes dagger tucked in pirate king’s belt

ARABIAN SEA – After being held captive for three days by Absimil “Goose Flesh” Sayid and his crew while on assignment in Somalia, Minister of Fisheries Dominic LeBlanc saw in the knife hanging of…

Blast from the Past! You’ll never guess where the stars of classic sitcom Modern Family are today

Everyone remembers the classic sitcom Modern Family, the story of a uniquely – and hilariously! – structured California family and their struggles to navigate their ever-changing family dynamics.…