University revolutionary pretty sure intelligentsia won’t get purged this time
TORONTO – Two years into his undergraduate degree, local student Sam Taylor is convinced he won’t be one of the ones put up against the wall when the revolution comes. “No, I’m on the Peopl…
Tim Hortons celebrates Canada 150 by replacing Double-Double with Sesquicentuple-Sesquicentuple
OAKVILLE, ON – In celebration of Canada’s 150th birthday, Canada’s favourite coffee chain will replace their world famous Double-Doubles with Sesquicentuple-Sesquicentuples for a limited ti…
Friend who insists people shouldn’t use soap smells like shit
VANCOUVER – Local friend and long-board enthusiast Zach Guentzel is on a mission to raise awareness that soap and other personal hygiene products are but ruses invented by Big Business to t…
New Air Canada plan allows passengers to collect points every time they’re abandoned at an airport
MONTREAL – Air Canada’s new loyalty program will allow passengers to collect 100 points every time they’re bumped from a flight and abandoned overnight at an airport. The Montreal-bas…
Quiz: You think you’re better than me?!
I saw you giving me the eye from across the subway car! Yeah, I’m talking to you Mr. plaid shirt and blue jeans! Something about me amuses you or something? Take this simple quiz to find out if y…
Opposition finally catch on that Trudeau has been replaced by cardboard cutout for two weeks
OTTAWA – Two weeks after a life-sized cardboard cutout of Prime Minister Justin Trudeau replaced the actual Prime Minister, opposition parties have finally caught onto the ruse. “I knew som…
Environmental Protection Agency gives forest new identity
OREGON – In order to preserve one of Oregon’s last remaining old growth forests, the EPA has transplanted the group of trees into a suburban neighbourhood, and given it a new identity and b…
Pizza Pizza hires first Italian employee
Pizza Pizza hires first Italian employee.…
Used Vancouver ballot box now acting as a bachelor pad for $1700/month plus utilities
VANCOUVER – An empty ballot box for the provincial riding of Vancouver-Langara is now being offered as a bachelor pad for $1,700 per month plus utilities. The three square foot, very low ce…
Trump fires James Comey, thereby ending any suspicion regarding Russia scandal
WASHINGTON D.C. — President Donald Trump fired FBI Director James Comey late Tuesday, putting to rest any rumours that his administration colluded with Russia to influence the 2016 election…
