Litre of Donair Sauce appointed as Nova Scotia finance minister
HALIFAX – In a move that has surprised many throughout the province, 1 litre of Donair sauce has been appointed as Minister of Finance and Treasury Board, taking over from Randy Delores. “I…
Experts split as to whether NDP Leadership race currently underway
OTTAWA — This week researchers at the University of Ottawa admitted that, despite their best efforts, they were unable to conclusively determine whether an NDP Leadership race was currently…
Accused serial surrealist pleads “rhinoceros”
OTTAWA – A man accused of eighteen counts of criminal absurdity and surrealistic acts, entered a plea in federal court yesterday claiming that he is “rhinoceros” of all charges. Alejandro R…
Quiz: Can you guess which repressed memory caused your nightmare?
It’s the classic psychology quiz you do at work! Can you guess which of your past experiences is trying to express it’s emotional payload subconsciously? Sources Cliff Alligator Zombies Earwig …
The Beaverton Weekly Report: Donald Trump does Donald Trump thing. Will this be the Donald Trump thing that ends Donald Trump?
Every week Beaverton editor-in-chief Luke Gordon Field assembles some of the country’s best comedians and writers to talk, mock and riff their way through the news of the week. Then he puts…
Meet Trump’s powerful new advisor: his personal support worker, Mrs Ocampo
A new player has appeared at the game-board of Washington, D.C., and is quickly positioning themselves as the power behind the throne. Who is this mysterious and formidable figure? Donald J. Trum…
Sears Canada renames itself ‘Bombardier’ so government will bail it out of bankruptcy
TORONTO – Sears Canada has renamed itself to ‘Bombardier, Department Store Division’ in an effort to receive billions from the government and stave off declaring bankruptcy. The new corpora…
RCMP to investigate white collar crime after discovering minorities commit these crimes too
Miguel and Emma investigate the RCMP’s very…specific reason for their newfound interest in white collar crime.…
Inspiring! When people told him he would never amount to anything, this bear went on to maul 15 people!
We all love a good underdog story, but how about an underbear story? Meet Toby, a grizzly bear living in Algonquin park. Born stunted and unassuming in a bad part of the woods, nobody thought Tob…
Do you really have to stare while I do this?
By: A Dog Well, here we are again. You’ve got your small plastic bag and I’m looking for a the right spot, but could you do me one favour? Stop staring. It’s just a small ask, but your ogling is …
