Outrage! Trump fires White House falconer
WASHINGTON D.C. – In a stunning move that shocked Washington insiders, President Trump unilaterally fired long-time White House falconer James McElroy. “He’s been with us since the Carter adminis…
Knitting needles join scrapbook paper on shelf of woman’s failed hobbies
Leduc, AB – After promising herself that knitting was going to be “her thing”, Sharon Allan’s knitting needles are now collecting dust on the shelf storing her scrapbook materials, woodwork…
Report: Basement apartment good enough
MONTREAL – Local graduate student, Emil Stanley, has confirmed that his recently leased basement apartment in the Outremont neighbourhood isn’t perfect but at least “good enough”, a sentiment sha…
Stouffville Mayor makes another photo grid linking half of town’s population to Kennedy assassination
STOUFFVILLE, ON – Another photo grid in the Whitchurch-Stouffville mayor’s office has implicated 23,753 citizens of Whitchurch-Stouffville in the assassination of US President John F. Kenne…
Millennial villagers prefer to pelt Lottery winners with avocado stones
THE VILLAGE – A conflict is brewing between Baby Boomers who insist on using the customary rocks and Millennial villagers who want to shift to murdering Lottery winners with organic avocado…
Hugh Hefner’s ashes interred within shoebox at back of your dad’s sock drawer
LOS ANGELES – With the passing of Hugh Hefner this week, the estate announced today that the final earthly remains of the Playboy founder and cultural icon will be cremated and then interre…
NDP excited to pick leader strong enough to split the left wing vote
OTTAWA – With the NDP leadership race revving up, party members are enthusiastic about finding a leader popular enough to divide progressive voters straight down the middle. “I’ve been dreaming o…
New Canada Food Guide asks, ‘You really gonna eat that?’
OTTAWA – Canada’s Food Guide is getting a complete overhaul, revamping the ten-year-old publication to deliver a clear nutritional message: “You’re doing it wrong.” The new Food Guide will …
Local man forgets wife’s birthday because of Antifa
PICKERING, ON – In the latest case of collateral damage by the volatile far Left, Pickering native Neil Davidson completely forgot his wife Laura’s 36th birthday this week, due to the vigil…
Update: Tweet that starts WWIII will now be up to 280 characters long
SAN FRANCISCO – Twitter today announced it will be beta testing a new 280 character limit on tweets in an effort to ensure that the tweet that causes a Third World War will be more a more s…
