5 indoor exercises that aren’t masturbating - The Beaverton

5 indoor exercises that aren’t masturbating

Winter is a tough time for everyone. Your bike is in storage, it’s too cold to go jogging, and you’re not burning enough calories, no matter how frequently you masturbate. If you’re getting bored of your current workout routine, here are five different indoor activities that don’t involve your genitals!

 

1) Bouldering

Like Masturbation, bouldering is another sport that can be done on your own. Similar to rock climbing, but without the safety precautions, Bouldering challenges you to climb up a tricky sequence of holds, also known as ‘a problem’. Working those arm muscles while thinking about your problems? That should come naturally to you! Sure, you could also try rock climbing, but if you have a partner willing to support you, you probably aren’t reading this.

 

2) Bowling

Jerking off can make one arm significantly more powerful than the other, but hey, maybe that’s  what you’re going for. If so, look into joining a bowling league. You’re used to striking out, and then getting an arm workout. Why not try it the other way around? You can try five or ten pin bowling, depending on whether you prefer to use your fingers or both hands.

 

3) Swimming

While outdoor pools may be closed for the winter, indoor pools are open year round! Pull out that swim suit and pretend it’s summer again! It certainly beats pretending that there’s an attractive person handling your junk. At least you know for sure that summer will happen eventually. Besides, if masturbating has taught you anything, it’s that holding your breath can really enhance the enjoyment you receive from your workout.

 

4)Yoga

Yoga is very accessible these days. There are Yoga studios everywhere, which means you can do this activity in every neighbourhood. It even happens in unusual places like parks, museums, the aquarium and churches. Can’t say that about masturbation! Or you shouldn’t.

 

5) Crossfit

Crossfit is a form masturbation that you can brag about at work.

 

Stay healthy!

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