PYEONGCHANG – Despite stiff competition from Austria, Finland and the Olympic athletes from Russia, Canada has won its fifth silver medal of the games in cross-country bobsleigh. The event consi...
Call-out culture called-out for all-out call-out fall-out
SIOUX LOOKOUT, ON – In an effort to bring reasoned debate to social media, call-out culture is being called-out for being akin to an online brawl or bout, as people point-out thing that only ser...
9 proven ways to quit social media that you won’t even try you pathetic little addict
Social media can take over people’s lives and has been proven to have negative effects on mental health, self-esteem and sleep habits, so clearly it’s time to quit. You know this to be true in the dee...
Imitation crab added to endangered species list
HALIFAX – In a press release this morning, the World Wildlife Fund declared that as a result of the immense popularity of affordable sushi and bland seafood salads, the imitation crab has offici...
Update: Friend with obscure, indie Spotify playlist secretly leading double life as Aqua groupie
HAMILTON, ON – New evidence has uncovered that your friend whose public Spotify account shows her listening to musical acts like Neutral Milk Hotel and Charles Bradley is in fact secretly plann...
Sidney Crosby: “I would never let my children play hockey. The risk of getting drafted by Edmonton is too high”
EDMONTON – With a growing number of concerns about the dangers of playing hockey, several notable names are speaking out against the associated risks, including NHL superstar Sidney Crosby. When...
Watch: Season 2, Episode 13
Watch the thirteenth episode of The Beaverton’s second season....
Study finds Boomers’ sex lives still haven’t recovered from Mansbridge leaving the National
TORONTO – A new study from a media research group has revealed that Peter Mansbridge’s retirement last year has caused a steep and, to date, permanent drop in the amount of sex being had b...
Vancouver landlord seeks tenants for room that doubles as arts space/film set/weed dispensary
VANCOUVER – In a posting on Craigslist, a Vancouver landlord has announced that he is seeking five tenants for a single bedroom within an already inhabited apartment. The 8” by 8” space, located...
Alberta escalates provincial tensions by deploying drunk Oiler fans to BC border
EDMONTON – Alberta Premier Rachel Notley has added fuel to the fire with the BC government by deploying a division inebriated Edmonton Oilers fans along the border. Some 20,000 shitfaced fans we...
