TORONTO – A new study from a media research group has revealed that Peter Mansbridge’s retirement last year has caused a steep and, to date, permanent drop in the amount of sex being had by those 55-75 years old.
“All those years of doing it while his deep, husky voice played in the background,” said Lucy Framer of Moncton. “I guess I never realized how vital he [Mansbridge] was to our whole process.”
“Now the only way either of us can get aroused is if we play some old episodes we had saved on our PVR.”
None of the respondents could identify why the portly, bald former anchor was so integral to their ability to climax, nor could they specify exactly why Mansbridge’s four replacements, all of whom are eminently more qualified journalists, did not do it for them.
“Ian [Hanomansing] works for me some of the time,” said Brett Hoskins of Red Deer. “But it’s just not the same.”
There was however some good news. The revamped format had dramatically decreased the number of times someone caught a glimpse of Rex Murphy while mid-coitus.