Trudeau demonstrates support for middle class by wearing ‘two car garage’ socks
OTTAWA – Members of Canada’s embattled middle class say they feel “heard and supported” after Prime Minister Justin Trudeau was photographed wearing socks embroidered with two car garages earlier…
Nerd alert! This huge dweeb just made $400,000 selling bitcoin
CANADA – Get ready to steal some lunch money everyone, because we’ve got a big-time loser on our hands. Ottawa nerd Carl Draden just made over $400,000 selling bitcoin. Could you get any mo…
Morneau vows to balance budget by turning Department of Finance into numbered shell company
OTTAWA – Minister of Finance Bill Morneau has announced that in order to increase efficiency and lower costs the Department of Finance will be transitioned to a shell company with a numbere…
‘I’m a pretty big deal on Twitter’ reports total knob
HALIFAX – Multiple sources have overheard Mark Griggs, who has recently been diagnosed as a complete and total douche, informing a tinder date that he is a very big deal on Twitter. “The gr…
Woman leaves a generous donation of her hair to shower wall
TORONTO – Local housemate Taylor Harrison has made another altruistic donation to her hair to the shared shower wall. The donation of 12 strands that varied in length was made early this mo…
Returning astronauts waiting for right moment to bring up the “bad thing”
Florida – A group of returning astronauts have been trying to find the perfect moment to bring up ‘the bad thing’ they saw in space. “Before reaching Entry Interface we al…
Mayor of Vegreville: “Shit shit shit, is the egg hatching?!”
VEGREVILLE, AB – Residents of the central Alberta town of Vegreville are growing concerned that the town’s giant egg is hatching, causing the mayor to issue a statement. “Shit shit shit,” s…
Quebec demands English Canada recognize its distinct racism
QUEBEC CITY – The government of Quebec has passed a new law banning the Niqab as a way to prove that their brand of racism is unique and independent from the racism prevalent in the rest of…
Andrew Scheer dismantles pro-white supremacy news outlet by hiring everyone who works for it
OTTAWA – Conservative leader Andrew Scheer is waging a one man crusade against white supremacy in Canadian media by hiring away everyone who works for far-right media outlet The Rebel. “The…
Quebec fights back against Islamic extremism by oppressing women and religious minorities
MONTREAL – Quebecers are celebrating today after the Liberal government passed a bill outlawing the use of religious veils in government-owned spaces, finally striking a blow against milita…
