Local man finds romantic success by texting unsolicited dog pics
KINGSTON, ON – Reports from yesterday evening have found that 26-year-old Tommy Freen has come across unprecedented courting success by switching out pictures of his penis that no one asked…
CIA coup of United States apparently delayed one more day
WASHINGTON, D.C. – Putting off plans that everyone assumes were drawn up as soon as election results were confirmed, the CIA has seemingly balked once again at overthrowing the dangerous an…
Government gives Yazidi refugees monthly stipend with enough to live on in 1993
Watch this exclusive clip from The Beaverton.…
Peter Kent calls for moment of silence to commemorate thousands of Canadians killed by marijuana overdoses
OTTAWA – Conservative MP Peter Kent called for the House of Commons to offer a moment of silence for the thousands of Canadians who die in marijuana overdoses each year. The Thornhill MP wh…
Medical AI working as self-driving car after foreign credentials rejected
WATERLOO – After having its medical credentials rejected due to their overseas origin by professional health organizations, an artificial intelligence smart enough to be a doctor has only b…
Scientists discover alternate universe where people listen to them
UNITED KINGDOM — Noted astrophysicist Neil deGrasse Tyson shocked the scientific community on Monday when he announced evidence of an alternate universe in which people actually listen to s…
Inspiring! This rat king slogged through 500 meters of plumbing to crawl out of your toilet and eat your decorative soaps
We’ve all had days when everything seems to go against you: traffic, bills, your crazy coworkers. And the screeching knot of conjoined rats scrabbling around your bathtub sure knows that feel. Bu…
Hero cat saves entire family from full night of sleep
NANAIMO, BC – The Russell family was saved from another full night of sleep when their cat, Mittens began meowing for no apparent reason at 4 in the morning. “We were all just peacefully laying i…
What does Jagmeet Singh have to do to win in Quebec?
Jagmeet Singh’s Quebec strategy.…
Local artist asked what she actually does
HALIFAX – After meeting a new teammate at a recent pub trivia night, professional sculptor Diana Wagner was asked by fellow player Norman Scheck what she does, only for her answer to be bou…
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