PCs hire man with air horn to censor Doug Ford every time he goes off script
BELLEVILLE, ON – The Ontario Progressive Conservative Party has put in place another measure to ensure Doug Ford stays on message by censoring anything off-script with an air horn. “Ontaria…
25-year-old coworker can’t believe you’re 30
MILTON – Sources have confirmed that despite your numerous assurances and even a brief viewing of your driver’s license, Lisa Eaton, your 25-year-old coworker, cannot believe you are 30. “A…
Pizza Pizza introduces new 16” creamy garlic dip
ETOBICOKE, ON- Finally acknowledging that customers merely endure their pizzas in order to get their hands on their dips, restaurant chain Pizza Pizza revealed on Thursday a new 16” creamy garlic…
I made soup in my crockpot, and you’re damn well going to hear about it
By: Ethan Dennis Hi, how are you? Okay, you son of a bitch, check out this soup. I made that. In my crockpot. And you’re damn well going to hear about it. Ask me how easy it was, motherfucker. No…
Manitoba capital relocated to Premier’s Costa Rica home for convenience’s sake
NEW WINNIPEG – Manitoba’s Premier Brian Pallister has announced he has relocated the provincial capital, Winnipeg, to his luxury home in Costa Rica making the Premier far more accessible fo…
Realistic pharmaceutical commercial
Watch this exclusive clip from The Beaverton.…
Notley assures BC that in event of pipeline leak, Alberta will pay its utmost respects
EDMONTON – In an effort to quell BC’s concerns over expansion of the Trans Mountain Pipeline, Alberta Premier Rachel Notley has promised the BC government that any oil spill or leak will re…
Grindr defends practice of messaging user’s father every time they call someone ‘daddy’
WEST HOLLYWOOD, CA – In response to claims that they have committed a massive breach of privacy, representatives for the gay dating app Grindr are defending the company’s policy of al…
Last original film remade
LOS ANGELES – With the release of Arrival of a Train at a Station (2018), a remake of the Lumière Brothers’ record-breakingly successful film Arrival of a Train at La Ciotat (1896), the las…
Canucks fans bid goodbye to Sedin twins with farewell riot
VANCOUVER – Paying tribute to forwards Henrik and Daniel Sedin on their final NHL season, Vancouver Canucks fans have destroyed a small part of the downtown area. Tributes to the legendary …
