Local man too poor to avoid paying taxes
RIVERVIEW, NB – Sources have confirmed that local man Maurice Fitzroy will not earn enough to not pay taxes for this year despite his best efforts at trying to be wealthy enough to pursue t…
Compassionate judge acquits all young men charged with the kind of sexual assaults he got away with at their age
TORONTO – Justice Perry Smith wants the young white men who he routinely sees brought before him on charges of sexual assault and violence against women to know that he’s more than an impar…
Local activist raises awareness of crumbling infrastructure by getting crushed by chunk of city hall
Bilmington, MB- After years of activism, concerned citizen Wyatt DeVeers has finally drawn attention to the dilapidated structures plaguing the town after being flattened by a 400kg piece of town…
Study: Niagara River fish have better access to antidepressants than most Canadians
NIAGARA FALLS – A new study released by the University of Buffalo has shown that the fish swimming in the Niagara River have free and unlimited access to a number of antidepressants and oth…
7 great meal ideas you can’t make because you forgot to defrost something
You’re an adult, and have resolved to live healthier and cook your meals at home. Congratulations! It’s all there in the freezer. Which is the problem, because you completely forgot to take somet…
‘Antifa’ is the most dangerous group in the world other than most of the rest of them
By: Rex Murphy A fringe group of black clad professional protest stormtroopers known as ‘antifa’ have recently made headlines – thousands of headlines – despite the fact that they rep…
“Ah – yes! Well, yes, absolutely”
EDITORIAL: By Jeff Goldblum Mm? Ah! Hello, of course, hello. It’s uh – well? – I suppose it’s me, Jeff, um Jeff Goldblum the ah actor, performer – of course The Fly, many other uh – here not on t…
Jason Statham cast as Tinky Winky in gritty Teletubbies reboot
LOS ANGELES – Miramax has recently announced that action star Jason Statham has landed the coveted role of Tinky Winky in the upcoming live-action reboot of beloved British children’s show …
Father’s wedding speech enters fourth day
OTTAWA – Running well over his time limit of 5 minutes, local father Bill Fernie’s speech has now entered its 96th hour at his son’s wedding reception. Fernie, 61, has not stopped his senti…
Nation’s loser children try to convince themselves that this school year will be different
KINGSTON, ON – As students across the country gear up for the back-to-school season, the nation’s dweebs, nerds and uglies are preparing for the worst, while hoping – against all reason …
