Canucks fans bid goodbye to Sedin twins with farewell riot

VANCOUVER – Paying tribute to forwards Henrik and Daniel Sedin on their final NHL season, Vancouver Canucks fans have destroyed a small part of the downtown area. Tributes to the legendary …

Quebec to allow parents to take leave from their children during teen years

QUEBEC CITY – Continuing its leadership in providing much needed benefits to families, Quebec’s National Assembly has passed a bill to permit parents to take a leave of absence from their c…

New Facebook protocol will only let you delete your account in exchange for a dark secret they don’t already know

MENLO PARK, CA – As more and more people are attempting to delete their Facebook accounts due to the social media giant’s unfolding data collection scandal, Facebook now requires users to r…

Controversial uncle speaks at Easter dinner

TORONTO – Reports indicate that Uncle Jordan is in the middle of a three hour lecture to the family about his views on political correctness, the rise of the radical left, and dichotomizing…

Ultimate April Fools’ prank? Disciples find Christ dead in the tomb

ANCIENT JERUSALEM – The 11 remaining disciples of Jesus Christ were met with a merry prank this April Fools’ morning, after rushing to his tomb to find his body still there and very dead. “…

5 Easter egg hiding places that demonstrate your tactical dominance over your children

Whether it’s lying about a bearded man breaking into the house every Christmas or repeatedly subjecting them to grisly reminders of their own mortality at Hallowe’en, the holidays are about one t…

“I don’t want foreigners bringing their weird traditions to my country,” says man hiding chocolate eggs to honour dead deity

ARBORG, MB – Local man, Edgar Harris, 42,  took time out of his annual Easter holiday traditions today to clarify his stance on Canada’s immigration policy, stating that foreigners are ruin…

Man stays up all night trying to decide on which ringtone to wake up to

KINDERSLEY, SK – Reports indicate that local man Marty Hahn spent the entire previous evening attempting to determine which chime or ringtone will wake him up in the morning. “The ‘Day by D…

QUIZ: are you a regular lady with a cold sore, or an 18th century harlot dying of the French Pox?

It’s a quandary most of us have had at one point or another. You wake up in the morning, and feel a tingly feeling on your lip. By the time you go to bed, a pustule has started to form. You tell …

Elon Musk finally invents a way to fuck gravity

Los Angeles, CA – Tech billionaire Elon Musk announced today, after years of research and million of dollars, that he has finally found a way to put his penis inside the physical constant o…